人们对性格内向者的10大心理误区

爱思英语编者按：2008年末，我很幸运地发现了一本好书：The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World （内向者优势），作者是心理学博士玛蒂·兰妮（Marti Laney）。这本书简直就是为像我这样的内向者量身打造的，而且写得又如百科全书般详细。它不仅解释了我身上的几个孤僻的行为习惯，而且还帮助我重新审视自己的人生……

10 Myths About Introverts

I wrote this list in late-2008. Around that time, I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D. It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and productive context.

Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.

Unfortunately, according to the book, only about 25% of people are Introverts. There are even fewer that are as extreme as I am. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings, since society doesn’t have very much experience with my people. (I love being able to say that.)

So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

人们对性格内向者的10大心理误区

BEstinME_org/译

2008年末，我很幸运地发现了一本好书：The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World （内向者优势），作者是心理学博士玛蒂·兰妮（Marti Laney）。这本书简直就是为像我这样的内向者量身打造的，而且写得又如百科全书般详细。它不仅解释了我身上的几个孤僻的行为习惯，而且还帮助我重新审视自己的人生。
认识我的人肯定都会说，“你2啊！到现在你才觉察到自己是个性格内向的人？”但是，事情并没有那么简单。问题就在于给某人贴上一个性格内向的标签本身就是一种非常肤浅的认识。人性是很复杂的。

书中有一个章节（第71页到75页）就专门探讨了人类的大脑，并分析了内向者与外向者大脑中的神经元在控制通路进行传递时的差异。如果这本书所论述的理论设想是正确的话，那么我们可以得出的结论就是：内向者对多巴胺过度敏感，他们受到的来自外界的刺激也会更多，他们也更容易筋疲力尽。而外向者恰恰相反，他们缺少多巴胺，他们的大脑需要肾上腺来创造多巴胺。外向者的神经通路也要比内向者的短些，而且他们大脑的血流量也相对要少些。存储于外向者神经系统中的信息大部分都是通过位于前额叶的布罗卡氏区（Broca’s area）传递的，而这里正是我们大脑运行绝大部分思考的地方。

不幸的是，按照这本书的说法，大概只有25%的人是内向者。而像我这样极端内向的人则又更少。由于整个社会缺乏对内向者的了解，所以人们就对这部分少数群体抱有许多的心理误区。（我要把我想说的话都说出来）

下面我就列出这10个比较常见的心理误区（这些是我基于自己的人生经验，然后再参考了这本书的情况下得出的结论）给大家看看。

心理误区1： 内向者不喜欢说话

并不是这样，内向者不喜欢讲无关紧要的话，但他们有话必说。一遇到自己所感兴趣的话题，内向者也会滔滔不绝地谈话。

心理误区2： 内向者很害羞

害羞和这个人是不是内向者一点关系都没有。内向者一点都不怕生。他们需要的仅仅是一个能促使自己与别人进行互动的理由。他们不会毫无目的地去和别人搭讪。如果你想和一个内向者聊聊天，你只要先开口说话就行了，不必要去计较繁文缛节。

心理误区3：内向者很粗鲁

在与别人照面寒暄的时候，内向者不喜欢说些拐弯抹角的话。他们希望人人都像自己那样真诚。但很不幸的是，在大部分情景下这都行不通。所以内向者很自然地就会有些社交压力，他们很难融入其他的群体中去。

心理误区4：内向者不喜欢与人打交道

恰恰相反，内向者非常珍视自己为数不多的几个朋友。他们随口就能叫出亲密朋友的名字。假如你很幸运地和一个内向者成为了朋友，你们之间的友谊会伴随你们终生的。你一旦获得了他们的认可，你就真正地走进了他们的生活圈子了。

心理误区5：内向者不喜欢热闹的地方

一点依据都没有。内向者不喜欢去热闹的公共场所所是因为他们想避免将自己卷入进集体活动中去。他们学习速度非常快，因此他们也就不需要长时间地呆在公共场所。他们只想回到家里消化吸收所得的信息。内向者是很喜欢学习的，他们很喜欢给自己“充电”。

心理误区6：内向者喜欢独处

内向者喜欢独立思考。他们经常思考。他们他们也喜欢做白日梦。他们喜欢去解决问题。不过，如果他们找不到一个可以分享自己的思考乐趣的人的话，他们的生活也是非常孤单的。他们渴望有一个像自己那样真诚的知己。

心理误区7：内向者很古怪

内向者常常是个人主义者，他们不从众。他们更喜欢自己特立独行的生活。因为他们常为自己考虑，所以就显得和社会那样的不合拍。他们不会人云亦云，他们在大多数时候都有自己的主见。

心理误区8：内向者就是一个呆瓜

内向者通常更关注于自己的内心世界，他们将更多的注意力放到了自身的思想和感情上。但并不是说他们对外部的世界不闻不问，而是他们被自己内心世界里的精彩纷呈所俘虏了。

心理误区9：内向者不懂得享受

内向者在家里或是在自然的怀抱中是非常放松的，但在公共场合他们就会变得拘谨起来。内向者不喜欢噪杂的环境和刺激的体验。如果环境太吵闹的话，他们就会走得远远的。他们的大脑对于一种叫做多巴胺的神经递质非常敏感。内向者与外向者有着截然不同的神经控制通路。你查阅下资料就会有所了解。

心理误区10：内向者要提升自己并变成外向者

一个没有内向者的世界，就缺少了不少的科学家、音乐家、艺术家、诗人、制片人、医生、数学家、作家和哲学家。这就是说，要想与内向者打交道的话，外向者还有许多东西要去学习。（我在这里是特地强调了一下，因为整个社会的普遍看法是内向者应该想外向者学习）内向者不必强迫自己去成为外向者，他们要尊重自己的天性并对整个人类社会做出自己的贡献。事实上，一份研究（Silverman，1986）显示，人的智商高低与内向的程度成线性比例，越内向智商也就越高。

“你们（外向者）无法摆脱我们，而如果你们想要同化我们的话，这只会招致你自己的毁灭。”---这是我编的一句话，我是一个剧作家。

要让一个内向者抹杀自己的个性融入进这个外向型的社会是一种摧残。像其它的少数民族那样，内向者会因为自己与大众之间的差异而开始憎恨自己和其他人。如果你觉得自己是个内向者的话，我建议你就这个话题去做些研究，然后再和其他的内向者交流下思想。社会的压力不仅仅是压在内向者的身上，对被视为“正常人”的外向者而言，他们也应该要尊重内向者，而我们也要学会尊重我们自己。（