机智过招与家人和谐相处过春节

爱思英语编者按：说好回家愉快地过年呢，可是面对爸妈的唠叨，亲戚的盘问，你还能淡定如风么？来看《赫芬顿邮报》和《时代周刊》与家人和谐过节攻略吧！

The Spring Festival is the most joyful time of the year, but it can also be stressful. With all the traveling, visiting relatives, and gift-buying, the holiday can become a tense time for many families. Joyful gatherings can quickly turn into heated exchanges between partners, parents and their children, in-laws and other family members, especially when underlying tensions already exist.
 春节是一年中最欢乐的时光，但它有时也会让人“压力山大”。因为要旅行、拜访亲戚、购买礼物，春节让不少家庭倍感压力。本应是夫妻、父母、孩子、亲家以及其他家庭成员的快乐团聚，却可能瞬间变得白热化——已经存在潜在矛盾时尤是如此。

 Here are some tips offered by The Huffington Post and Time magazine to help you handle conflicts and arguments during the holiday.
 下面就奉上一些来自《赫芬顿邮报》和《时代周刊》的建议，帮你应对假期冲突或争吵：

 1. Listen, really listen
 听，且用心倾听

 When your parents or other family members are blaming, reluctant to share, or filled with animosity toward you, listen to them. Let them be heard completely. By letting them vent, you now know where your relationship stands and what you can do in the future to bring it back to normal again.
 如果你的父母或其他家庭成员抱怨你，不愿分享，或对你充满敌意，听听他们怎么说，且让他们一次说个够。通过宣泄，你就会明白你们的关系处在怎样的位置，未来你需要做什么才能让它回归正轨。

 2. Stop generalizing
 不要一概而论

 If you start using words like “always, never, every, forever, anything, anyone, everyone, or typical”, you’re probably guilty of generalizing.
 如果你开始把“总是、从不、每次、永远、任何事、所有人”这样的字眼挂在嘴边，那么你很可能犯了“一概而论”的错误。

 Stick to specific details and resist the urge to bundle together other similar situations. If a family member hurls generalizing statements at you, recognize the words as a single expression of anger. Calmly steer the conversation back to the particular issue at hand.
 就事论事，不要把类似的情况混为一谈。如果有家人对你说了这种一概而论的话，权当他们在表达愤怒。冷静地就事论事，解决眼前的问题。

 3. Stop attacking
 切勿人身攻击

 Attacking someone’s identity or personality hits them hard. Whether you say something outright (“You’re so stupid”) or something more subtle (“I think you could do better”), attacks like these are hurtful on a deep level.
 人身攻击会对别人造成很深的伤害。不管你是一时口快（如“你真蠢”），还是委婉批评（如“我本以为你可以做得更好”），这样的言论都很伤人。

 If you find yourself labeling a family member in some way, redefine negative characteristics as positive ones. Instead of calling the other person stubborn, think of him or her as determined.
 如果你发现自己正以某种方式给家人“贴标签”，那么就用积极的词汇换掉消极的评价。试着用“坚定”而非“固执”来形容他人。

 4. Stop rejecting
 停止拒绝

 There are two words that can make an argument even worse: “no” and “but”. They don’t even have to be verbalized; an eye roll or dismissive laugh can do the same damage. Make an effort to resist using the word “no”. Use the words “yes... and”.
 “不”和“但是”这两个词很容易让矛盾升级。 它们甚至不用说出口，一个白眼或一声冷笑都具有相同的杀伤力。试着换掉“不”，用“是的……而且……”来说话。

 This change in language will force you to be more constructive. Instead of rejecting the other person’s idea completely, recognize the good points of their suggestion and then follow up with your concerns.
 这些语言上的改变也会让你的话语更具建设性。试着发现别人建议中的闪光点，并进一步附上你的想法，而不是全盘否定他人的想法。

 5. A whole list of don’ts
 勿做清单

 Don’t give advice that isn’t requested, don’t pressure, don’t criticize, and don’t be demanding. Create the conditions where each individual can communicate clearly and accept each other’s diverse and even contrary perspectives.
 不要毛遂自荐乱给建议，不要给他人施加压力，不要批评他人，不要苛刻挑剔。创造一个人人都能有效沟通的环境，包容彼此的多元化甚至矛盾观点。

 6. Take responsibility for the mistakes you’ve made
 对自己的错误负责

 When we’re attacked, it’s only human to protect ourselves. But going on the defense can’t solve any problems. Forget the blame game. Know that in order to have cooperation or reconciliation, you must be able to acknowledge the ways you may have contributed to the difficulties and admit your shortcomings.
 遭受攻击时，我们总是会保护自己，但是一味为自己辩护并不能解决问题。不要推卸责任。想要合作或和解，你必须承认自己所犯的错，并承认自己的不足。