爸爸讲起冷笑话来，比西伯利亚寒潮更腻害

众所周知，除了生日小丑和独角滑稽秀演员，最厉害的段子手就是各家的爸爸们。他们最擅长一词多用，妙语连珠。尽管他们这种喜剧风格并不是所有的人都钟爱，但对于一个不失时机的小笑话，任何人都会报以好感，哪怕是极少的一点好感。如果讲笑话的人讲完笑话又开始发出雷鸣般的傻笑，再加上一个经典的“枪”型手势，观众们更是控制不住要发笑了。来看看下面从全网搜集的最佳“爸爸笑话”。

1. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

今天我的儿子问我“能给我张书签吗？”我顿时泪如泉涌。他已经11岁了，仍不知道我的名字叫Brian.

网友评论：

So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it!

Brian我真为你难过，有一天他会明白的。

2. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

我妻子说我毫无方向感，为此她非常生气。所以我收拾好自己的行李就向右走了。

网友评论：

I love this one.

好喜欢这个笑话

3. DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

爸爸：我进城的路上一直在听收音机，听说有个女明星刚刚自杀了。

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

哦天呐！是谁呀?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

呃，我不记得了……我记得好像叫Reese什么什么吧

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

妈妈: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife……

爸爸：不，好像是用一把刀

网友评论：

Groan - nice one!

大笑不止——这个笑话真不错！

（注： WITHERSPOON与with a spoon谐音）

4. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

你知不知道，第一份法国薯条其实不是在法国诞生的？它们是在希腊诞生的。

网友评论：

This was so stupid that i actually laughed out loud.

这个笑话好蠢，我都笑出声了。

（注：Greece与greese谐音）

5. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

如果一个孩子拒绝在午睡时间睡觉，他们会因拘捕获罪吗？

网友评论：

If the kid wants to avoid a rest, he should go under cover ;)

如果那孩子想逃避追捕，他应该寻求掩护

（注：resisting a rest还可以理解为“拒绝休息”，undercover还可以理解成“躲在披盖下面”）

6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

我在读一本关于反重力的书。我无法把它放下来！

网友评论：

You must obey gravity, it's the law

你不能违抗重力，这是自然法则。

7. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

你怎么称呼一个既没有身体，也没有鼻子的人？没人知道

网友评论：

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

你怎么称呼一只没有眼睛的鹿？我也不知道。

（注：Nobody knows与no body nose谐音；no idea与no eye deer谐音）

8. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

我在亚马逊上订购了一只鸡，一个鸡蛋。我会让你们知道结果的。

网友评论：

Eggs still came first, but for another reason. The first chicken had to come out of a chicken egg as it would otherwise not be called that. The animal that lay it however, does not necessarily had to be a chicken (yet).

肯定是先有蛋，才有鸡。不过我有新的解释。第一只鸡肯定是从鸡蛋里孵出来的，否则“鸡蛋”就不叫“鸡蛋”了。而下蛋的动物并不一定是鸡（或许还没进化成鸡）。

9. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

世界上最少人使用的语言是哪种语言？手语。

网友评论：

You got me.

戳中我的笑点。

（注： the least spoken language还可以理解成“说的人最少的语言”）

10. My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me..

我女儿对我尖叫说，“爸——爸，我说的话你一个字都没听到，对不对？”想跟爸爸说话，一开始就来这样一句，真奇怪啊!

网友评论：

Nice one!

这个笑话不错！

11. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

在牙买加，一份苹果派的价格是2.5美元，在巴哈马群岛是3美元。由此可以知道加勒比海沿岸的派的价格。

网友评论：

Ha! Nice

不错

（注：pie与π谐音，These are the pie rates of the Caribbean这句话还可以理解为“由此可以计算出加勒比海沿岸的圆周率”）

12. My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

我妻子想用一只手解开我女儿身上的安全带，她说“那些只有一条胳膊的妈妈是怎么做到这件事的呢？”我不失时机地回复道，“独自一个人做到。”

网友评论：

Ha! That was just before she swiped at you

她听完一定会锤你。

（注：Single handedly可以有两种意思，一是“单手”。二是“独自一人”）

13. Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

正义应该是一道冷盘。如果它是一道热菜，它就应该写作justwater

网友评论：

Took me a few secs to get it but, well done.

我想了一会儿才明白过来，干得好！

14. My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

我的朋友一直对我说，“兄弟，振作起来！你的情况已经算不错了！幸好你不是被困在地下一个注满水的洞里！”我知道他是一番好意。

网友评论：

A well is an underground hole full of water.

“井”就是地下注满水的洞。

（注：he means well还可以理解成“他指的是一口井”）

15. MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

妈妈：“我看起来怎么样？”爸爸：“用你的眼睛啊！”

网友评论：

I need to use this for every person that asks me this question

我会对每个向我问这个问题的人这样回答。

（注：How do I look还可以理解成“我是怎么看见世界的？”这里爸爸利用了这层意思）