你不该觉得离婚是件丢人的事
When Ellen Myers finalised her divorce in 2013 she felt an overwhelming sense of freedom - and a deep sense of shame. "It was a weird time," she recalls. "On one hand I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to know." The Colorado mom had married young, at just 18, and had children right away. Like many divorced people, she felt embarrassed that she hadn't been able to make her marriage last. She became convinced her friends and family were all silently thinking, I told you this would never work. But worse were the slights she dealt with in public - glances at her empty ring finger, a lack of invitations from former friends, and, most troublingly, a pointed remark from a clergy member at her church, who read Myers discouraging stats about children of divorce, then suggested she continue to endure her abusive situation for her kids' sake. She even faced rejection from a potential landlord after disclosing that she was a single mother who relied on child support for income. "He told me he never rented to single moms because the 'deadbeat dads' didn't pay up and he 'didn't need that kind of drama'," Myers recalls. "It was awful. Even though I knew, deep down, I'd made the best choice for me and my children, it was hard not to feel like I'd failed." Myers isn't the only woman who has struggled with feelings of shame about her split. Despite the ubiquity of divorce - just over half of marriages will make it to the 20-year mark, according to the most recent data from the National Survey of Family Growth - there is still a lingering stigma that many people, especially women, face, says Anita C. Savage, a divorce and family law attorney at GoransonBain. "I've seen countless clients who feel stigmatised by their divorce. In fact, despite my profession, I was one of them," she admits. "I was embarrassed and ashamed to tell my friends and family that I could not make my marriage work." And while it's perfectly normal to feel that way, Savage says, shame should never enter into the picture. Getting divorced doesn't mean you're "dumb" or "damaged goods." |