为什么聪慧成功的女性会约会困难?
Jenna Birch's new book sat on my desk for months before I open it. The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love is about why smart, successful independent women - the type of women men profess to want - have trouble finding steady relationships. For years my single girlfriends and I have been told by the men we date: You're everything I'm looking for, but I just don't feel it. Or: You're great, but I'm just not ready for a relationship. We've heard the same refrains for decades, in breakup talks with men in their 20s, 30s, even their 40s. I didn't want to open the book because it felt too close to home. But I'm glad I did. Because in it I found empathy for the women who hear these things and the men who say them. And an explanation for why seemingly good matches fall apart or never come to fruition. Perplexed by her own dating struggles, Birch dug into research and spoke to 100 men and women about why it's so hard to find the relationship they desire. She does more than blame online dating's flakiness and an abundance of choice - which singles have been living through for years. Rather, Birch finds an explanation in the enduring pressure men feel to be providers, even in an era when, in about a third of married or cohabiting couples, women bring in half or more of the household's earnings. Until men can provide for a family, Birch finds, they don't feel comfortable dating seriously or making a lifelong commitment. And no matter how much men say they want an equal partner, a woman who's smart and independent, studies find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior. Birch and I spoke about her book last week; the following interview has been edited for clarity and length. How did you decide that this was the question you wanted to interrogate? |