浪漫、柔情与坦诚 谁是你的真命天子

爱思英语编者按：因为文化背景不同，不同国籍的人们表达爱的方式也截然不同——法国人的浪漫，中国人的柔情(sentiment)，美国人的坦率。你究竟喜欢哪一种类型的爱，而爱情的哲学究竟是怎样的？是否就像文中笔者提到的那样——如果爱，管它呢？相信各位读者心中自有评判。

谈到恋爱的文化差异，一位感情经验丰富的朋友曾恰当地将其归纳为：“法国人天性浪漫，而中国人柔情似水。”When discussing cultural differences in love, a friend (who has ample experience) once summed it up nicely: "The French are romantic while the Chinese are sentimental."  更多信息请访问：http://www.engbus.cn/
我认为这位朋友所言极是。16岁那年夏天，在法国学习的我爱上了19岁的法国邻居。确切说我是“喜欢”上了他，但他那与生俱来的浪漫举止以及戏剧化的语言——总是呢喃着“爱情，爱情”,都让我在这第一段法国恋情中不能自拔。 I can't think of a better way to put it. When I was 16, studying in France for the summer, I fell in love with my 19-year-old French neighbor. Actually I fell in "like", but his sweeping romantic gestures and dramatic language - tossing "amour, amour" around all the time - whirled me up in my first French "love" affair.

他的英文马马虎虎，我的法语也好不到哪去。但我却清楚地知道，他随笔写下的华丽诗句以及与我四目相接时，故作镇定地道出的那些呢喃细语，如若换成其他的语言，一定会变得庸俗不堪。 His English was patchy and my French was only slightly better, but I could comprehend that the flowery lines of poetry he scribbled and the phrases he breathed while looking into my eyes intensely and managing to keep a straight face were things that would be simplycheesy in any other language.

可惜那时的我还年轻，这种浪漫的新鲜感使我欣喜不已，以至于忽略了一些小细节。比如：一整个夏天，他从未请我看过电影；我离开后，他也未曾给我打电话或写信。简陋的乡间小屋，荒芜的花园，爱人的承诺——在今后的漫长岁月里，我都将“出现在他的梦中”，我的第一段法国恋情就这样戛然而止了。 Alas, I was young and excited by the romantic novelty, so I overlooked the little things. Like how he never offered to buy my movie ticket all summer long, nor did he bother to call or write after I left. My first French love affair ended quite abruptly after an over-the-top goodbye scene, complete with rustic country house, overgrown garden, and my lover's promises that for a "longtemps" he would see me "walking through his dreams".

随着年龄的增长，我发现自己对这种浪漫的恋情已经提不起兴趣，却更加渴望中国人细微的柔情。一个“中国好男人”是不会用花言巧语来哄骗女人的。近十年来，对于"dear", "honey" and "love"这些爱称，他仍会觉得浑身不自在，认为这些词语过于小资、无趣且不合实际。但是中国男人会注重很多细节，并为之尽心尽力。 When I got older, I found myself losing interest in this kind of romantic flair and craving the subtle sentiment of the Chinese. A "good Chinese man" is not one for words. Until this decade, he shuddered at words like "dear", "honey" and "love", finding them bourgeois and vapidly unrealistic. But a Chinese man will work on the little things. He will work hard.

大学时，我男朋友是中国人。一次，我在睡前倒了一杯水放在床头柜上，他看到后便充满歉意地对我说，“抱歉，这些事情本该由我来做。” My college Chinese boyfriend once saw me fill a glass of water to keep on the night stand before going to bed and remorsefully told me, "I'm sorry, it should be my job to take care of these things."

在他看来，作为他的女友，我不需要为自己的舒适而劳神，尤其是像倒水这样的小事。虽然我的中国男友从不擅长做出浪漫的承诺，但每一次他送我去机场，我们分别的时候，他都会塞给我一个厚厚的信封，里面写了很多有趣的故事，只为了让我可以在旅途中心情愉快。 He meant that as his girl, I shouldn't have to look after my own comfort, especially not on a small thing like hydration. My Chinese boyfriend was never good at making romantic promises, but each time he took me to the airport he would put a thick envelop in my hand as we said goodbye. On the plane, I would open it up to find funny stories he had written to keep me entertained on board.

很多年里，我的中国男友用无数细小的温柔培育着我们的爱情，比如在寒冷的日子他会骑车去买热水袋，只为了让我在冰冷的图书馆里学习时可以取暖。 For years, my Chinese boyfriend nurtured our love with his countless small tenderness, like biking out on a cold day to buy a hot water bottle that kept me warm when I studied in the cold library.

法式浪漫与中式柔情的鲜明对比让我忍不住思考——美国人又是怎样经营爱情的呢？我想，用坦率的实用主义来形容它再合适不过了。 This contrast between French romance and Chinese sentiment makes me wonder - what then is the American approach to love? I can best describe it as a straightforward kind of pragmatism.

我的美国男友曾问我，“为什么我要给你倒一杯水？你怎么不自己动手呢？” My American boyfriend asked me, "Why should I get you a glass of water? Why don't you get it yourself?"

但是这种介于浪漫与柔情之间，“废话少说”的爱情也有许多好的地方。 But there are plenty of good things about this "no BS" kind of love that is in between romance and sentiment.

一个美国男人不会信誓旦旦地向你保证，每晚都会梦到你穿过一片罂粟花海；他也不会在你有生之年，心甘情愿地为你倒水喝；但他会站在你身边，并坚定不移地以坦率的方式让你感到快乐。 An American man won't pledge to dream of you walking through a field of poppies every night, nor is he eager to jump on fetching your water for as long as you are alive, but he will stick by your side and try in earnest to make you happy in his straightforward way.

最后，这些都是不同国家背景下的不同行为；萝卜青菜，各有所爱。找到归宿之前，我经历了不同国度的爱情。那时，我的好朋友总是建议我，“开心就好。” In the end, it's different strokes for different folks and to each his own. When I was living my global love experiment before finding my husband, my good friend often advised me, "Just do what makes you happy."

对极了，浪漫，柔情也好，实用主义也罢，如果那会让你高兴的话，那么就随它去吧。生活着，恋爱着，快乐着！ True enough, whether it's romance, sentiment, or pragmatism, just go with whatever floats your boat. Live, love, and be happy!