爆笑：4个女儿与父亲的神对话

Most parents photograph or film their children growing up, but James Breakwell has another way of documenting the precious moments he shares with his 4 daughters. Since April 2016, the comedy writer and family man from Indianapolis uses Twitters to share the daily conversations he has with his girls.

大多数父母都会用拍照或拍视频的方式记录孩子的成长过程，而 James Breakwell则选择采用一种与众不同的方式记录他和4个女儿分享的时光。从2016年4月起，这位来自美国印第安纳波利斯的喜剧作家兼奶爸用推特分享了他与女孩们的日常对话。

1.7-year-old：All the boys said they were faster than girls in gym class.

7岁女儿：上体操课的时候所有的男生都说他们比女生跑得快。

Me: What did you say?

我：你是怎么说的？

7:Nothing. I just beat them.

7岁女儿：没说什么。我就是把他们揍了一顿。

2.I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.

我和女儿们玩《龙与地下室战棋》

They were supposed to fight the wolves surround a town.

她们的任务是打败围困城镇的恶狼。

Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.

结果，她们给恶狼喂食，把这些恶狼收编到了自己的狼族军队里。

Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.

女孩！她们会征服世界！

3.Me: What did you do at school today?

我：你今天在学校里做了什么？

5-year-old:Learned about dragons.

5岁女儿：学习龙的知识。

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

我：你们上课学习关于龙的知识？

5:I learned about dragons. I don’t know what everybody else was doing.

5岁女儿：我在学习龙的知识。我不知道其他人在干什么。

4.5-year-old: Why can’t dogs go to school?

5岁女儿：为什么狗狗不能去学校？

Me:Dogs are animals.

我：狗狗是动物呀。

5:They let in boys.

5岁女儿：那为什么男孩可以去学校？

5.6-year-old: *fast forward all the way through a movie*

6岁女儿：（快进看完了一整部电影）

Me: You can’t just skip to the happy ending.

我：你不能一步跳到幸福结局。

6: I don’t have time for problems.

6岁女儿：我可没时间应付问题。

6.4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

4岁女儿：我能吃点你的糖果吗？

Wife: I got this for Mother’s Day.

妻子：这是我的母亲节礼物。

4: You’re only a mom because of me.

4岁女儿：要不是我，你能当妈妈吗？

7.Me: What are you doing?

我：你在干嘛？

7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.Me: There aren’t any presents under the tree.

7岁女儿：我在数圣诞树下面有多少礼物。

Me: There aren’t any presents under the tree.

我：圣诞树下面不是什么都没有吗？

7: I know.

7岁女儿：我也是这么想的。

Passive aggressive level 9000

吐槽值爆棚！

8.7-year-old: Do you have a podcast?

7岁女儿：你有播客吗？

Me: Do you even know what a podcast is?

我：你知道播客是什么吗？

7：It’s that thing where you talk to yourself and no one listens.

7岁女儿：不就是那个你对着它自言自语，周围根本没人理你的东西吗？

She knows exactly what a podcast is.

她说的完全正确。

9.I’m glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts.

我真高兴，我们家有1万只填充玩偶，再也不用担心孩子没玩的了。我的小女儿可以抱着一只装花生的罐子安然入睡了。

10.Me：Did you have a good day at school?

我：你今天在学校过得开心吗？

6-year-old: That’s not how school works.

学校不是用来开心的。

11.Me: Only female mosquitos bite.

我：只有母蚊子才咬人。

7-year-old: I knew that.

7岁女儿：我就知道是这样。

Me: You did?

我：你怎么知道？

7: Girls always do all the work.

7岁女儿：女孩总是包揽所有的活儿。

12.5-year-old: I’m not scared of monsters when I’m with you.

5岁女儿：和你在一起的时候，我就不怕怪物了。

Me: Well, thanks.

我：是吗，我很荣幸。

5:They’ll eat you first cecause you’re fatter.

5岁女儿：你的肉更多，怪物肯定会先吃掉你。

13.4-year-old: Can I have candy?

4岁女儿：我能吃点糖果吗？

Me: What did Mom say?

我：妈妈怎么说的？

4:No.

4岁女儿：不行。

Me: So why would I let you?

我：那我为什么要同意呢？

4:She’s not the boss of you.

4岁女儿：她并不是你的老板。

It’s a trap.

这是一个陷阱！

14.5-year-old: *wears an Elsa dress with a Wonder Woman cape and a Batman mask*

5岁女儿：（穿着艾尔莎的裙子，披着神奇女侠的披风，带着蝙蝠侠的面具。）

Me: Which superhero are you?

我：你到底是哪个神奇英雄？

5:Me.

5岁女儿：我就是我自己。

15 5-year-old:*slides a curly fry on her finger like a ring*

5岁女儿：( 把一根卷卷薯条套在手指上，就像戒指一样。)

Me: Are you married?

我：你结婚了吗？

5: I’m Frodo.

5岁女儿：我是《魔戒》里的弗罗多。

16.6-year-old:When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

6岁女儿：等我长大了，我想当一个老师。

Me: What kind of teacher

?我：什么老师？

6:Defense Against the Dark Arts.

6岁女儿：黑魔法防御术。

17.Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

我：你长大后想要做什么？

5-year-old: A cat doctor.

5岁女儿：猫医生。

Me: A veterinarian?

我：兽医吗

5: A doctor who is a cat.

5岁女儿：不，是一只猫，同时也是医生。

（翻译：小木）