谈恋爱时如何像成年人一样讲道理？

Here are some handy tips on how to get out of an argument with your grace intact.

以下是一些可行的建议，帮你优雅地争吵，还不伤感情。

1. Ask Whether The Issue Really Merits Getting Angry

1.问问自己这件事是否真的值得生气

Most of the time, arguments happen because one person’s pride is in the way. But look at it this way: It doesn’t make sense to devote two hours to arguing about whose home city has the better pizza! Swallowing your pride is an option.

大多数时候发生争吵都是因为一个人的自尊心在作祟。但你可以从这个角度考虑：花两个小时争论谁家乡的披萨更好吃一点意义都没有！你可以选择收起你的骄傲。

2. Postpone The Argument If Necessary

2.如果有必要就稍后再吵

When you feel yourself getting irate, stop and ask yourself if you can put off this discussion. If you’ve just got back from an exhausting day at the office, or are tired or hungry, try and put off your disagreement.

你感觉自己生气时就停下来问问自己是否能稍后再讨论，如果你刚从办公室回来筋疲力尽、或者累了饿了，尽量先搁置争议。

3. Don’t Hit Below The Belt

3.不要恶语伤人

It’s tempting to bring up old arguments or issues in the relationship when you want to score points. But don’t do it. Keep your focus on the immediate issue, don’t expand the arena of the fight, and this will prevent the disagreement from going into any dark places.

争吵中想要占据上风很容易重提恋爱中陈芝麻烂谷子的事，但千万不要那样做。以目前的情况为主，不要扩大争论话题的范围就能避免争吵一发不可收拾。

4. Don't Gaslight Your Partner

不要对你的恋人煽风点火

Just like yours are, your partner’s feelings are valid, no matter what they are. If your partner is experiencing a strong emotional reaction to something you’re saying, there’s probably a reason for it. Asking questions without jumping to conclusions is always a wise choice.

无论当时情绪怎样，但你爱人的情绪和你一样都是正常的。如果你的爱人对你说的话反应过于强烈，可能是有原因的。问对方一些问题而不妄下结论是明智的选择。

Here are some examples of good statements to make to your partner:

下面是一些跟对方好好说话的例子：

“I want to understand why you say that.”

“我想知道你为什么那样说。”

“What do you think the problem is?”

“你认为问题是什么？”

5. Don't Get Too Loud Or Aggressive

5.声音不要太大，不要有攻击性

No matter how strongly you feel about what you’re saying, watch the tone of your voice. Ensuring you are patient and calm will help her stay calm as well. If she does point out that you’re yelling, lower your tone of voice immediately and apologize.

无论你说话时多激动，都要注意自己的语调。确保自己有耐心并且冷静也能帮助她保持冷静。如果她说你在喊了，你要马上降低音量跟她道歉。

6. End The Argument With An Affirmation

6.结束争论不拖泥带水

Maybe your views on religion are never going to align. That’s accepted. After all, this is still the person you love and respect. When the arguments over, let it stay dead. You can continue your loving relationship without wasting time being mad at each other.

可能你们关于宗教的看法从未统一，但也没关系，毕竟这仍然是你深爱并尊重的人。争论结束以后就不要再重燃战火，你们可以继续恋爱，不要把时间浪费在跟对方生气上。

（翻译：菲菲）