夫妻之间理财观念不一致要怎样调和?

Perhaps you've heard money is a major stressor in romantic relationships.
你可能听说过恋爱中钱是矛盾之源。

That's why it can be uncomfortable—or even strain relationships—when the woman in a heterosexual relationship makes more money.
这就是为什么，女方赚钱更多会让人感觉不舒服，有时甚至会影响恋情。

And when two people in a relationship come from diametrically opposite socioeconomic backgrounds, it raises all sorts of difficult conversations about how you should spend and earn money.
恋爱中两个人经济背景截然相反时，关于应该怎样花钱和赚钱会产生各种分歧。

But as more women earn more and with most women working full time, even after they have children, some couples have opted out of a traditional marker of marriage: combined finances.
但随着越来越多的女性收入增加，而且大多数女性甚至生育之后也会全职工作，有些夫妻就脱离了传统的婚姻模式：财产合并。

These days, young couples—whether they are married or simply living together—are more likely to keep their finances separate, or at least partially so.
现如今年轻夫妻无论是已婚的还是只同居的，都更有可能会把钱分开放，或者至少部分分开。

Twenty years ago, when Wendy Underwood, 43, married her husband Kurtis Kolt, 44, the couple opened a credit card together.
现在43岁的Wendy Underwood20年前嫁给了现在44岁的丈夫Kurtis Kolt，这对夫妻一起办了一张信用卡。

"We thought that was the sort of thing married people should do," she says. "We learned pretty quickly that we both had very different approaches to money. I was brought up to believe you do without everything to be able to pay off debt. My approach to that credit card was, I'll have beans on toast for a week to make sure I pay off that balance at the end of the month."
她说：“我们以为结了婚的人都该这样，但我们很快发现我们的金钱观很不一样。我从小就被教育要尽一切努力还清债务。我使用信用卡的方法是吃一周加豆的吐司也要确保月底时还清账单。”

Her husband's outlook was more "casual"—he would make a payment but didn't feel compelled to pay the full amount.
而她丈夫的态度就更“随意”一点，他会还款，但觉得不需要勉强自己还清全部欠款。

That card wasn't in use for long. "If we had kept that credit card and added all our finances together, I honestly don't think we would still be married," Underwood says. "We just saw very quickly that it was a big source of tension for us."
这张卡很久都没用了，Underwood说：“如果我们还用那张卡，把所有钱都放一起，说实话我觉得我们早就离婚了，我们只是很快发现了这是我们矛盾的主要根源。”

It didn't help that at the time, they were both young—in their early twenties—and still learning how to manage their personal finances.
当时他们都20岁刚出头，尽管还很年轻也没用，仍然在学着如何管理自己的个人财产。

So they created a new account solely to hold money for joint expenses like mortgage payments and utilities.
所以他们开了一个新账户，只用于为按揭贷款和生活缴费这样的共同支出存钱。

The couple tracks those expenses alone in a spreadsheet. ("The secret to a healthy marriage is spreadsheets," Underwood quips.) But with the exception of those big-ticket items, they keep their money separate.
这对夫妻在电子表格中单独跟踪这些费用，（Underwood开玩笑说：“健康婚姻的秘诀就是电子表格。”）但除了这些大额花销外，他们的钱是分开的。

Underwood is quick to note that for her, maintaining separate finances is "not a substitute for being transparent" when it comes to finances. "I can honestly say I've never hidden a purchase from my husband, unless it was a gift for him," she says. "I'm not someone who has gone out and blown $600 on a pair of shoes and then hid them in the back of the wardrobe."
Underwood很快注意到对她来说，涉及钱的问题时保持财务独立“并不影响财务透明”，她说：“我可以诚实地说我从未背着丈夫偷偷花钱，除非是给他买礼物。我不会出去花$600买一双鞋然后藏在衣柜最里面。”

One reason the arrangement has worked for Underwood and her husband is because they value the same things, from travel to gourmet food.
对Underwood和她丈夫来说这个方法很有效的一个原因就是他们有共同的爱好，都喜欢旅行和美食。

It's a function of personalities and circumstances, too: Underwood and her husband are both fiercely independent and don't have children.
这也受个性和家庭环境的影响：Underwood和她丈夫都非常独立，而且没有孩子。

"I think I work really hard for my money, and I don't want someone else telling me, 'You should reconsider spending on this thing,'" she says. "I don't want someone having that much control over my money."
她说：“我觉得自己为了赚钱真的很努力，我不想别人告诉我‘买这个东西你还是再考虑考虑吧’，我不想别人太过干涉我的钱。”

It also helps that they are both self-employed and have similar incomes. "I actually do think it would be harder if Kurtis was earning a lot more money than me," she says. "Then we would have to adjust our approach ... but I do think we would still keep our money separate and just come up with a workaround that works for both of us."
还有一点也很重要，就是他们都是自由职业者，收入也差不多，她说：“我真的认为如果Kurtis比我赚得多很多的话，我们两个相处会更难，那样我们就得调整钱的分配方法了，但我的确觉得我们仍然会财务分开，只是会想出一个适合我们两个人的方法。”