吉檀枷利 （第五部分）

    On the day when death will knock at thy door what wilt thou offer to him？

    Oh， I will set before my guest the full vessel of my life——I will never let him go with empty hands.

    All the sweet vintage of all my autumn days and summer nights， all the

    earnings and gleanings of my busy life will I place before him at the

    close of my days when death will knock at my door.

    91

    O thou the last fulfilment of life， Death， my death， come and whisper

    to me！

    Day after day I have kept watch for thee； for thee have I borne the

    joys and pangs of life.

    All that I am， that I have， that I hope and all my love have ever

    flowed towards thee in depth of secrecy. One final glance from thine

    eyes and my life will be ever thine own.

    The flowers have been woven and the garland is ready for the

    bridegroom. After the wedding the bride shall leave her home and meet

    her lord alone in the solitude of night.

    92

    I know that the day will come when my sight of this earth shall be

    lost， and life will take its leave in silence， drawing the last

    curtain over my eyes.

    Yet stars will watch at night， and morning rise as before， and hours

    heave like sea waves casting up pleasures and pains.

    When I think of this end of my moments， the barrier of the moments

    breaks and I see by the light of death thy world with its careless

    treasures. Rare is its lowliest seat， rare is its meanest of lives.

    Things that I longed for in vain and things that I got——let them

    pass. Let me but truly possess the things that I ever spurned and

    overlooked.

    93

    I have got my leave. Bid me farewell， my brothers！ I bow to you all

    and take my departure.

    Here I give back the keys of my door——and I give up all claims to my

    house. I only ask for last kind words from you.

    We were neighbours for long， but I received more than I could give.

    Now the day has dawned and the lamp that lit my dark corner is out. A

    summons has come and I am ready for my journey.

    94

    At this time of my parting， wish me good luck， my friends！ The sky is

    flushed with the dawn and my path lies beautiful.

    Ask not what I have with me to take there. I start on my journey with

    empty hands and expectant heart.

    I shall put on my wedding garland. Mine is not the red-brown dress of

    the traveller， and though there are dangers on the way I have no fear

    in mind.

    The evening star will come out when my voyage is done and the

    plaintive notes of the twilight melodies be struck up from the King's

    gateway.

    95

    I was not aware of the moment when I first crossed the threshold of

    this life.

    What was the power that made me open out into this vast mystery like a

    bud in the forest at midnight！

    When in the morning I looked upon the light I felt in a moment that I

    was no stranger in this world， that the inscrutable without name and

    form had taken me in its arms in the form of my own mother.

    Even so， in death the same unknown will appear as ever known to me.

    And because I love this life， I know I shall love death as well.

    The child cries out when from the right breast the mother takes it

    away， in the very next moment to find in the left one its consolation.

    96

    When I go from hence let this be my parting word， that what I have

    seen is unsurpassable.

    I have tasted of the hidden honey of this lotus that expands on the

    ocean of light， and thus am I blessed——let this be my parting word.

    In this playhouse of infinite forms I have had my play and here have I

    caught sight of him that is formless.

    My whole body and my limbs have thrilled with his touch who is beyond

    touch； and if the end comes here， let it come——let this be my parting

    word.

    97

    When my play was with thee I never questioned who thou wert. I knew

    nor shyness nor fear， my life was boisterous.

    In the early morning thou wouldst call me from my sleep like my own

    comrade and lead me running from glade to glade.

    On those days I never cared to know the meaning of songs thou sangest

    to me. Only my voice took up the tunes， and my heart danced in their

    cadence.

    Now， when the playtime is over， what is this sudden sight that is come

    upon me？ The world with eyes bent upon thy feet stands in awe with all

    its silent stars.

    98

    I will deck thee with trophies， garlands of my defeat. It is never in

    my power to escape unconquered.

    I surely know my pride will go to the wall， my life will burst its

    bonds in exceeding pain， and my empty heart will sob out in music like

    a hollow reed， and the stone will melt in tears.

    I surely know the hundred petals of a lotus will not remain closed for

    ever and the secret recess of its honey will be bared.

    From the blue sky an eye shall gaze upon me and summon me in silence.

    Nothing will be left for me， nothing whatever， and utter death shall I

    receive at thy feet.

    99

    When I give up the helm I know that the time has come for thee to take

    it. What there is to do will be instantly done. Vain is this struggle.

    Then take away your hands and silently put up with your defeat， my

    heart， and think it your good fortune to sit perfectly still where you

    are placed.

    These my lamps are blown out at every little puff of wind， and trying

    to light them I forget all else again and again.

    But I shall be wise this time and wait in the dark， spreading my mat

    on the floor； and whenever it is thy pleasure， my lord， come silently

    and take thy seat here.

    100

    I dive down into the depth of the ocean of forms， hoping to gain the

    perfect pearl of the formless.

    No more sailing from harbour to harbour with this my weather-beaten

    boat. The days are long passed when my sport was to be tossed on

    waves.

    And now I am eager to die into the deathless. Into the audience hall

    by the fathomless abyss where swells up the music of toneless strings

    I shall take this harp of my life.

    I shall tune it to the notes of forever， and when it has sobbed out

    its last utterance， lay down my silent harp at the feet of the silent.

    101

    Ever in my life have I sought thee with my songs. It was they who led

    me from door to door， and with them have I felt about me， searching

    and touching my world.

    It was my songs that taught me all the lessons I ever learnt； they

    showed me secret paths， they brought before my sight many a star on

    the horizon of my heart.

    They guided me all the day long to the mysteries of the country of

    pleasure and pain， and， at last， to what palace gate have the brought

    me in the evening at the end of my journey？

    102

    I boasted among men that I had known you. They see your pictures in

    all works of mine. They come and ask me， `Who is he？' I know not how

    to answer them. I say， `Indeed， I cannot tell.' They blame me and they

    go away in scorn. And you sit there smiling.

    I put my tales of you into lasting songs. The secret gushes out from

    my heart. They come and ask me， `Tell me all your meanings.' I know

    not how to answer them. I say， `Ah， who knows what they mean！' They

    smile and go away in utter scorn. And you sit there smiling.

    103

    In one salutation to thee， my God， let all my senses spread out and

    touch this world at thy feet.

    Like a rain-cloud of July hung low with its burden of unshed showers

    let all my mind bend down at thy door in one salutation to thee.

    Let all my songs gather together their diverse strains into a single

    current and flow to a sea of silence in one salutation to thee.

    Like a flock of homesick cranes flying night and day back to their

    mountain nests let all my life take its voyage to its eternal home in

    one salutation to thee.