为何你总是对另一半的前任耿耿于怀
Who among us feels more emotionally attached to their partner's ex than they do their own exes? It's okay to admit that you look at your partner's ex's Instagram a couple times a week, have seen every single available photo on their Facebook, and accidentally came across the old couple's photos your partner still has stashed in their room. You are not alone, and you're not a bad person, but your obsession with your partner's ex might be coming from a place of insecurity. People often get jealous of their partner's former lovers or exes, to the point where they obsess and feel in direct competition, explains Michael Brustein, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. In most cases, there's nothing going on between your partner and their ex, but you might act or feel as though your partner is currently cheating, Dr. Brustein says. So, while you know deep down that your partner is, in fact, over their ex, you might still occasionally check in on their social media to make sure that you're still better than them - you know, just in case. In many cases, this preoccupation with your partner's ex may stem from your own insecurities, but it can be exacerbated by your partner's comments about their ex, Dr. Brustein says. "Sometimes a partner can instigate [insecurities] if they are somehow still connected to their ex, or unconsciously or consciously bring up things that are triggering," he says. And when you feel like you're already lacking in some way, you're more easily triggered by these comments or bits of information. If you feel like you have to go out of your way to keep tabs on your partner's ex, then your fixation might be a form of self-sabotage, Dr. Brustein says. "There are times when somebody might be doing this to rationalize getting out of [a relationship]," he says. Again, this most likely stems from an insecurity that your partner is still connected with their ex or that you're never going to measure up to their past partners. The good news is that, in most cases, your stress and worries about your partner's ex will eventually go away, but it might require some introspective reflection, and possibly a conversation with your partner. |