2015考研英语看图作文范例点评：过劳死

看图作文在英语作文中是大家普遍缺乏练习的一种类型，一个提高的方式就是看范例和点评，针对其中的错误进行自我修正。

过劳死：

写作原文

From the picture we can see a young father died on the patient bed for the sake of(建议改为because of，for the sake of一般用来表示“为了”，后常接目的状语) overwork and his wife is crying and mourning for him with extreme sadness,so it is with their child(改为so does their child). What a shocking scene and how thought provoking the phenomenon that the picture insinuates. What the picture intends to convey is the significance of the awareness of health.With the development of society, people commence to live in(改为live，live in表示“居住，住在”，后常跟地点状语) a life of a rapid rate(改为a fast-paced life).They almost have no time to do some entertainments other than work.In(去掉)hence,they don't have enough time to get enough rest.(语义和前一句重复，可删除)Moreover, because of the life burden(改为burden of life),some husbands need to work hard to sustain their families. Some husbands even have more than one job and they are overwhelmed by the strains. Last but not least, some people don't place an emphasis on their health and almost ignore it in daily lives(改为life，daily life为固定搭配).What they leave to their family members is grief. From my standpoint, it is imperative that effective measures should be taken to eliminate the phenomenon. For governments, they are supposed to make some accordingly policies to relieve the workers' pressure. For workers,they must cultivate a good awareness of health and combine exertion and rest.

总体点评

文章写得还不错!但是应当注意词汇选择的准确性及句子的精简。以后的写作中，还是应该加强基础的语法知识，积累并模仿高分语言佳句，使自己的表达更地道更优美。看着你的作文一天天在进步，我们为你感到高兴，要继续加油哦，坚持就是胜利.

参考分数(满分20分)：12

英语写作水平的提升需要不断地练习，在改正错误中不断取得进步，不怕犯错误，怕明知道犯错误却不面对。看了范文和点评，希望大家有思考，有提高。