“大型社会性死亡现场”是什么梗?
近两年,“社会性死亡”这个词渐渐风靡。它说的是当众出丑以至于没脸见人的状况。 清华大学《清新时报》报道称,豆瓣ID“@嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿”的用户在小组发帖分享一件自己“社会性死亡”的事件。 微博#大型社会性死亡现场#话题下的“毕业后第一次参加公司聚餐” 楼主给毕业论文导师发了消息,收到了老师“之后见了再说”的回复,心中纳闷。回头再一看,才发现自己的信息最后一句话是——“您是否有实力当我的毕业设计老师呢?” 而她本想打的,是“时间”。 尴尬事件或许是必然会发生的,但是随之而来的巨量尴尬却不会随着事件的结束而消退,反而会不断地在接下来的数年甚至数十年里随机浮上心头,让人痛苦“重温”。 可能有些读者光是看到本文这个标题就已经开始不由自主地回忆起尴尬瞬间了。 这些常见的尴尬,或许你也有过:
▌Texting one of your friends about a certain person before sending it to that person by mistake ▌Going to open a door by pulling it when it clearly says “push”
▌Being out in public and tripping over some thing before trying to act casual as if it never happened
▌Bumping into someone as you leave the toilet with a really bad smell coming out of it.
▌Entering a lecture hall, sitting down, and taking out all of your stuff before finally looking up to realize you’re in the wrong class.
▌Sitting in a quiet study room with your stomach sounding like it’s trying to digest a tractor engine.
▌Creeping on someone’s Wechat moments and accidentally liking a photo from three years ago. ▌Holding a handrail on a bus or train and touching someone else’s hand in the process.
▌Asking someone to repeat themselves before asking twice more, and when you still haven’t heard what they’ve said, you just have to reply with “yes” and hope for the best.
▌Saying something to someone and your voice breaks weirdly like a 13-year-old going through puberty halfway through the sentence.
起初,她发现自己每次叠衣服的时候都会想起十年前当实习生的时候被人笑话裙子在上完厕所之后塞到连体袜里的尴尬瞬间。
In my apartment ten years later, I know I’m far away in space and time from this moment, and yet it still makes me wince. “How embarrassing,” I whisper, out loud, to no one.
经过采访众多有类似经历的人和心理学家们,她给这种状况起了个名字:cringe attack(尴尬侵袭)。
They’re the little humiliations from your past that come back unbidden, sometimes years after they first occurred.
❶ 有诱因
For one, even memories that seem out-of-the-blue may be in fact triggered by something in the environment. Maybe something about the T-shirts I was putting away that day reminded me of the feel of the jersey skirt.
❷ 尴尬情形未能在当时解决
For another, think about how often your first response to someone who’s witnessed an embarrassing moment of yours is something like “This isn’t what it looks like” or “I can explain.” If you never actually get to make that explanation, the moment likely feels unresolved in your mind, and some researchers believe that interrupted moments stick with us longer than those that feel completed.
❸ 情感越浓,记忆越深
Your emotions dictate what your brain decides to hang on to. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the memory. For instance, being scolded even inadvertently can still lead to long-term feeling of awkwardness. Something excites your brain, which triggers the release of adrenaline, which in turn releases another substance called noradrenaline(去甲肾上腺素), a neurotransmitter that then perks up the amygdala(杏仁体).
That’s a region of the brain which gets excited by emotional arousal. The amygdala then communicates with almost every other region of the brain, and it says, in effect, “Something important happened. Make a strong memory.” 书籍作者同时也给出了两个点子,或许可以帮助你减轻这种困扰。
第一个就是接纳自己:
Recognizing your former self for who you truly were, instead of trying to forget or fudge the details. And remind yourself that everyone’s embarrassed about something. When we arrive at this kind of self-awareness, then when we fail, it’s not ‘poor me,’ however, it’s ‘Well, everyone fails.’
第二个就是不要把自己看得太重要:
self-indifference: the relief of realizing that you are simply not that big a deal
倒也不是说要贬低自己,而是换一种思维来体会谦卑。
Self-indifference is essentially a synonym for humility. A little humility helps you keep your natural talents and honed skills in proper perspective: The fact that I’m able to string coherent sentences together as a professional writer isn’t valuable because of what it says about me. What matters is what I do with that ability.
最困扰你的尴尬事件是什么呢?分享出来或许就不那么尴尬了。
trip [trɪp] v 绊;绊倒 |