绿帽狂想曲：戴绿帽！很爽？

爱思英语编者按：很多人都怕碰到伴侣出轨，但有些人却觉得这样很刺激。我们来了解一下原因。

The fantasy of a cheating wife

Tracy Clark-Flory

Why are some people turned on by the thought of their significant other cheating on them?

You don’t say that you’re turned on by the thought of your significant other cheating on you, so I’ll direct my answer to the “some people” that you speak of. These folks, who are not you, are lucky because there is a wealth of fascinating theories on the topic.

This particular kink is called cuckoldery, courtesy of female cuckoo birds known for laying eggs in other birds’ nests. Initially, the term “cuckold” was used to describe men with adulterous wives, particularly those who were duped into raising other men’s offspring – a timeless, deep-seated fear that has been immortalized in the work of literary greats like Shakespeare and D.H. Lawrence. The meaning has since evolved to include those who are turned on by their partner’s infidelity. Fast-forwarding to the Internet age, you have “cucks” who actually advertise for and seek out partners — sometimes referred to as “bulls” in this sexual subculture – for  their wives. Believe it or not, this genre of porn is currently “the second most popular heterosexual interest in English-language search engines,” according to the bible on such things, Sai Gadaam and Ogi Ogas’ “A Billion Wicked Thoughts.”

So, that answers the underlying question of whether the desire is abnormal, but you’re interested in the “why” of this kink. The most popularly cited explanation is sperm competition. The idea is that the sight of one’s wife with another man serves as an unconscious biological trigger that creates a sense of sexual urgency, results in more passionate, longer-lasting sex and causes the cheated-upon spouse to produce more sperm – all evolved responses that up his odds of impregnating her. A related theory is that the penis functions as a plunger, displacing rival sperm. As such, this line of thinking goes, it would be beneficial in evolutionary terms for a man to become aroused by his partner’s infidelity. As a review of a relevant text in the journal Evolutionary Psychology puts it, “intra-vaginal battles demand men to become aroused to situations that are actually unpleasant for them, for instance the suspicion of their partner’s infidelity.” In other words, men “may become very sexually aroused at the idea of their partner having sex with someone else, even though they would strongly avoid such a situation.”

There are likely other things at play here too, like eroticized fear. Dan Savage has speculated that “cucks” are merely sexualizing their fear of infidelity in the same way that a gay man might fantasize about sex with a homophobe. In a column on the topic, he wrote, “While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations.” Speaking of sexually charged fear, many “cucks” fixate on “bulls” that are bigger, stronger and more well-endowed. This in part explains the popularity of profoundly politically incorrect – even for porn! – cuckoldery featuring African-American “bulls,” given racial stereotyping of black men’s sexual prowess. As Savage writes, “Whitey fears big black dick, rampaging Mandingos, white women coming down with jungle fever and getting their chifforobes busted up.”

David Ley, author of “Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them,” lists a number of other potential factors, like voyeurism, taboo, bisexuality, masochism and misogyny. At my request, he offered up a gem of wisdom from his extensive digging: “Ultimately, I believe that the wife-sharing fantasy is powerful and prevalent because it taps into and triggers many basic components of male sexuality, and reveals many powerful dynamics of male-female relationships and sexuality.”

Ley does offer a few words of caution, though, about turning the fantasy into reality. “This is such a challenging, taboo and complex sexual lifestyle that I caution men who have this fantasy that it is often far more difficult than they can imagine,” he wrote to me by email. “Most wives simply will not go along with it, in part due to their fears of being labeled a slut, or losing their marriage, or their concerns over what these fantasies reveal about their husband’s view of them.” Interestingly, he notes, “I’ve also seen couples explore aspects of this, without actually engaging in sex with other men. Some couples go to bars, separately, and the husband watches other men try to pick up his wife, until finally, the husband sweeps her away.” Not that this would be relevant information to you, dear reader. I merely offer it up to “some people.”

戴绿帽！很爽？

（绿帽狂想曲）

Annuska/译

很多人都怕碰到伴侣出轨，但有些人却觉得这样很刺激。我们来了解一下原因。

为什么有些人一想到另一半出轨，就会有冲动？

你不用说是“你”一想到另一半出轨，就会有冲动；所以我把回答的对象改成“有些人”。这些人——“不单是你”——都是幸运儿，因为关于这个话题，有很多好玩的说法。

这种特性被称之为“杜鹃占巢”，众所周知，雌性杜鹃的秉性就是：把蛋下在其它鸟儿的巢穴里。刚开始，“便宜老爸”指的是那些老婆红杏出墙的男人，特别是那些被愚弄——帮别的男人养孩子——的男人。这是一种亘古不变，深植于内心的恐惧；在莎士比亚和D.H.劳伦斯如椽的笔下，都有关于这种心理的不朽巨制。随后，“杜鹃占巢”的意思一路演化，也包括那些因伴侣不忠而性唤起的人。在这个跑步前进的互联网时代，人们可以看到那些“公杜鹃”真的打广告要给妻子找伴侣；有时候，在这个性的亚文化中，找的对象又被称为“公牛”。爱信不信，根据此类话题的权威作品——即Sai Gadaam和Ogi Ogas的作品《心有亿种恶》——的说法，这类情色内容目前是“英语搜索引擎中，异性性内容第二大热门话题”。

那么，以上内容就回答了该欲望是否正常的隐问题；但你想知道这种古怪心理的“原因”。最常见的解释是“精子竞争”。看到妻子和别的男人缠绵，触发潜意识里的生物扳机，产生一种性急迫，由此带来更加热情、持续时间更长的性生活，并且让受欺骗一方产生更多的精子——进化而来的反应就是：他给她下更多的种。一个关联的说法就是阳具象播种机，赶跑那些竞争的精子。以此类推，从进化角度来看，老婆红杏出墙，老公性冲动，还一件蛮上算的事情。如《进化心理学》杂志的《a review of a relevant text》所说的：“争夺花径的斗争，让男人在真不爽的情景下，也要能性冲动，如怀疑对方出轨。”换句话说，男人们“尽管他们努力避免妻子出轨；但想到配偶和别人行风雨的念头，他们可能会有强烈的性冲动。”

这里面可能还有其它不正经的内容，象恐惧情色化。丹·萨维吉注意到：杜鹃男将惧怕对方不忠的心思情欲化，同理，男同志可能幻想着和一个厌憎同性恋的人行风雨勾当。他在一篇专栏里写道：“当我们中的很多人学着接受恐惧，并且时常要抑制恐惧，不要将其色情化，然而还有很多人面对性恐惧和创伤，采取了将其与色情想象糅合的方法。”谈到性恐惧，很多杜鹃男对“公牛”有病态的依恋，认为后者更大、更强、更是天生伟岸。这部分解释了根深蒂固的成见——即使在色情方面！这种种族成见认为黑人男子的性能力强大。萨维吉写道：“白种人惧怕黑种人大大的小弟弟，就象所向披靡的曼丁哥人（西非黑人民族之一——译者注）；白人女性则流行对丛林奇思妙想，并且买了很多衣服，塞满了衣柜。”

大卫·雷写有《永不餍足的妻子们：红杏出墙的女人们和爱她们的男人们》，他在书中列举了一系列潜在的因素，如窥阴癖、禁忌、双性恋、性虐性受虐。在我的要求下，他从其广泛的研究领域，言简意赅地总结出了以下的妙语：“从根本上讲，我认为分享妻子的幻想是很强大，也很普遍的，因为它深入并触发了男性在性方面一些基本因素，同时，也揭示了男女关系和性爱之间很多的跌宕起伏。”

但是，提到将幻想付诸实践，雷也建议小心。“这是一件很具挑战性的事情，这种性生活方式惊世骇俗，也很复杂；我提醒那些有这幻想的男人们要注意，出现的情况经常远比他们想象的要复杂，”他通过电邮写道，“很多妻子就是不愿意这样做，部分原因是她们怕被贴上荡妇的标签，或者失去婚姻，或者她们忧惧这类幻想表明了丈夫对她们的看法。”好玩的是，他说：“我已经看到一些夫妻对此进行了一些尝试，不用真的和其他男人苟且。有些夫妻去酒吧，分开玩，丈夫看到其他男人试图勾搭自己的妻子，最后，丈夫抱得妻子归。”亲爱的读者，这不是给你的相关消息。我只是将其提供给“有些人”。