纽约客：金正恩的来信

爱思英语编者按：金正恩（1983年1月8日—），朝鲜劳动党第一书记、中央政治局委员、常委、朝鲜劳动党中央军事委员会委员长（2012.4.11），朝鲜国防委员会第一委员长（2012.4.13），朝鲜人民军最高司令官（2011.12），2012年7月18日，金正恩被授予朝鲜民主主义人民共和国元帅称号。

A Letter from Kim Jong-un

PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, has issued the following letter to the citizens of the world:

Dear World People:

For decades, North Korea was threatened by hostile foes with nuclear weapons. With our safety constantly at risk from violent intruders, we asked: How can we possibly defend ourselves? In the immortal words of my dad, the glorious Kim Jong-il: “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.”

I sleep safely at night knowing that a loaded nuclear silo is as close as the launch button on my nightstand. And now I understand what Dad, in his genius, instinctively knew: that the world will not be truly safe until every nation has nuclear weapons.

Perhaps because these weapons are so necessary to our defense, the U.S. government, with its lapdogs at the United Nations, is plotting to take them away from us. But as Dad used to say, “When they come for our nukes….”

That is why today I am founding the Nuclear Retaliation Association to defend the sovereign right of every nation on the planet to engulf that planet in a hellish inferno. If you join today, we will waive the initiation fee and send you this bumper sticker: “Nuclear weapons don’t kill people. People kill people who don’t have nuclear weapons.”

Peace out,

Kim Jong-un

金正恩的来信

momojyang/译

平壤 - 朝鲜人民民主共和国的最高领袖金正恩向全世界发出以下这封信：

亲爱的世界人民：

数十年以来，朝鲜都在拥有核武的敌对势力威胁之下。当我们的安全长期承受被暴力入侵的风险，我们要问：我们怎样才能保卫自己？我的父亲，光辉的金正日，曾说过这样一句不朽的名言：“唯一可以阻止带有核武的恶人的就是带有核武的好人。”

当我知道，一个装得满满的核武发射井距离我就如同我的床头灯那样近时，我方可安眠。现在我明白到，我那天才的父亲本能就知晓的事：除非所有国家都有核武，否则世界永无宁日。

也许因为这些武器并非我国国防必需，美国政府，及其在联合国中的党羽，阴谋着要把它们夺走。但正如父亲过去常说那样：“当他们来抢我们的核武的时候……”

那就是为什么今天我要成立核武反击联会，以保卫地球上每个国家的主权，将地球吞进恐怖的地狱。如果你在今天加入，我们将免去你的入会费并送给你一张车尾贴：“核武不杀人。人们杀掉那些没有核武的人。”

再见，

金正恩。