The Real Enough World
by Karen Brennan Spider City After a while I dreamt about the Spider City & when I woke up in my flannel pj's the curtain flapped open & the sky greeted me. Hello Karen, Hello Little Bee, it said which is when I remembered the strange webbed sky of the Spider City & your face in the middle saying Kiss Me. Breathless City Every city is a little breathless, a little behind the times, racing to catch up, thus gasping. That day I wore a gray suit, white gloves, 1960 or so. Some thin man approached & offered me $$ to pose in the nude. The sun over St. Patrick's Cathedral like a child's sun, all rays around a smiling face & the man whose gray suit matched my own was called Ray! Such coincidences occur in a city whose heart splits open in two shocks. But this happened later. & I wasn't around though I watched it on TV. Dapper City In Florida the palm branches rustle like neckties, the ocean an opulent cologne we plunder, the grass, green as the stolen eye of the Dowager or a bruised infant which is so sad found in the trash can among some white receipts & spaghetti. I am smoking a cigarette wishing it were over- the parasols, the gliding waterway ships, the cocktails, the aces & clubs, the languorous beach stretches, the strings of pearls, hats- wishing it would begin again. Dieting City Or Starving City. It's hard to tell. For one thing, it's dark & for another I feel inadequate. My perpetual motion has ceased to amuse anyone here (I confide) even though…… I wore a beautiful skirt of red silk & when I whirled you could see everything- the river with its captured lights, the glint of bridges, the pock-marked Palisades, aflame. So much of this is untrue. A worm slunk in the sidewalk cracks. An old, old woman, wreathed in snot, spoke sharply: She said, "just because you give me five dollars don't entitle you to my life's story." City of Jokes A man goes to a psychiatrist sporting a huge gash in his forehead, says I bit myself. How did you do that? asks the psychiatrist. It was easy, says the man. I stood on a stool. Afterwards, I pulled out of the parking garage & the day was overcast, streets icy. I drove up the hill & took a right. I drove by the drive-in coffee place & the brown house with the shutters & took a left & then I was home. I turned on the radio at this point. A girl with a cane made her way down the sidewalk. She was a stranger, & she was my daughter. Elizabethan City I encountered Hamlet in a glade & this scene, forsooth, changed into hills & then again a dark chamber in which my own mother lay dying. I wish it were another era but things occur where they will & my defenses are poor ones. She has elegant bones which, in age, have become sharp & unfriendly. (Oh the body weeps & slickers of hair cover all of us who keep vigils.) In a moment, I too, would invent a soliloquy about existence. My heart in its jeweled box as of nothing & zero the shape of sorrow which doesn't add up. City of Dot Dot Dot There was a window, a drape, a venetian blind thickened with dust, an accordion sound up from the street…… Your friend the author [was] inside this which was inside that which was once again…… ad nauseum…… contained in…… etc etc…… Space shrinks & even afternoons which once seemed so voluminous have dwindled to a sad heap…… Little wrinkled days no longer unfold…… Lawns have grown minuscule & purposeless…… Hairs sprout on the female chin & buildings formerly majestic are…… But I was crazy then…… In the fullness of each moment…… I walked everywhere in the gloam & sand…… City of Basements Of course, conducive to sleep. Of course, musty & poorly organized. You wouldn't go there uninvited. I wouldn't invite you. But there are chinks in the brick ceilings that make it seem radiant elsewhere, which is a blessing. & amid the rats & spider houses I might invent something spectacular (I almost believe)。 This is all I have to say about it. Because it is unamenable to description. Because even now my eyes are closing. Pity yourself, Sister. Life is harder than you dreamed possible. |