这些小迹象表明你的另一半有情感施虐倾向
THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS. Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some spouses criticize their partners more broadly. "Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address," explains Weena Cullins, a marriage and family therapist. But saying "'you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?' is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address." And those kind of generalized digs - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situation. THEY MAKE A LOT OF "BUT" STATEMENTS. When your partner makes a lot of "but" statements - like if they say "you look beautiful, but..." or, if you've slaved over a special dinner for them all day, and they respond with something like "it's good, but it's a little dry" - that's a red flag, especially if it's happening more than once a day. "If your partner starts a phrase like this several times a day, then they're being overly critical," says Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a website that aims to help couples going through breakups. "Statements like these don't seem like much at first, but years of this kind constant criticism will negatively affect anyone's self-worth, and that's pretty abusive." THEY START ACTING WAY MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL. If you S.O. suddenly starts acting way more charming or nice than usual, that can be a red flag, too. "This is an abuser's way of seducing you to trust them before they act out their abuse toward you," says Dr. Fran Walfish,. |