你们是好朋友,还是你正在精神出轨?
It's an age-old debate: Can men and women really just be best friends-or are they bound to fall for one another eventually? The answer changes depending on who you ask. And complicating the question even more is the fact that a romantic relationship needn't be physical to be real. Hence the increasingly popular term "emotional affair." So what is an emotional affair exactly? According to Kenneth Rosenberg, PhD, author of the new book Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat ($26, amazon.com), an emotional affair occurs between two people who share a mutual attraction and a deep, loving relationship that does not involve sex. You're being secretive The telltale sign of an emotional affair? "There's no way in hell you'd tell your primary partner about the relationship," says Rosenberg. That doesn't necessarily mean your S.O. doesn't know you're close with this other person; they just might not realize the extent of the friendship. "We all keep secrets from our partners and we might even have relationships that we might not tell them much about, but if it's a relationship where you know there's some sexual tension and you keep it from your partner, that's a sign you're in troubled waters," says Rosenberg. That brings us to our next point. The tension is palpable "In an emotional affair, sex is not on the table but is generally under the table," writes Rosenberg in his book. Translation: You aren't hooking up, but a desire to is felt on both sides. And it's more than just a fleeting attraction. "Sexual tension is par for the course in flirtation," says Rosenberg. "But this type [of tension] is more intense." You may find yourself fantasizing about your emotional fling while you're having sex with your primary partner, or thinking to yourself, "If only we could have sex without being unfaithful...." The main point is that you feel enough intimacy or sexual chemistry to get it on with this other person-and you wish you could. |