有话不敢说怎么破?
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Speaking up is hard to do. 清楚表达自己的想法是很难做到的. You see something ethically questionable. Notice someone not being included. Run up against offensive speech. Disagree with an opinion that's all too quickly become consensus. Want to add a different idea to the decision-making process. 你看到了一些道德上有问题的东西。注意到有人没有被包括在内。反对冒犯性的言论。不同意的意见很快就会成为共识。想要在决策过程中添加一个不同的想法。
While we'd all like to think that if we saw something, we'd say something in these situations, we are strikingly bad at anticipating how we'll feel in future circumstances and, for a whole host of cognitive reasons, it can be incredibly difficult to speak up in the moment. In fact, research suggests that most people tend to not act, and then rationalize their inaction. 虽然我们都认为，如果我们看到了什么，我们会在这种情况下说些什么，但我们在预测未来环境中的感受方面表现得非常糟糕，而且，由于一系列认知上的原因，现在说出来可能是非常困难的。事实上，研究表明，大多数人倾向于不采取行动，然后解释他们的不作为。 But you're not really doing your job — as a diligent employee, compassionate colleague, or thoughtful leader — if you don't lend your voice to the conversation. So what can you do? 但如果你在谈话中不发表意见，你就不会真正做好自己的工作-作为一名勤奋的员工、富有同情心的同事或深思熟虑的领导者。所以你能做什么？ First, realize how psychologically difficult — and worthwhile — speaking up can be. 首先，要意识到大声说出来在心理上是多么困难-而且是值得的。 Research on "realistic optimism” shows that when people set out to do difficult, personally meaningful things, they're more likely to follow through if they expect that the task will be challenging. In speaking up, as in life, one must appreciate the difference between believing you will succeed and assuming that you will do so easily. 对“现实乐观”的研究表明，当人们开始做困难的、个人有意义的事情时，如果他们期望这项任务具有挑战性，他们就更有可能坚持下去。在说话时，就像在生活中一样，一个人必须理解相信你会成功和假设你会轻易成功之间的区别。 To wit: When New York University psychologist Gabriele Oettingen studied women on a weight-loss program, she found that those who thought they would succeed lost 26 more pounds than self-doubters. However, those who thought they would easily succeed lost 24 pounds less than their more realistic peers. 换句话说：当纽约大学心理学家加布里埃尔·奥廷根研究女性减肥项目时，她发现那些认为自己会成功的人比自以为是的人减掉了26磅。然而，那些认为自己很容易成功的人比更现实的同龄人减掉了24磅。 When it comes to speaking up, it's crucial to recognize that it won't necessarily feel easy to do. 说到说话，关键是要认识到这并不一定是一件容易的事。 Second, work to lessen the social threat that speaking up creates. 第二，努力减少直言不讳所造成的社会威胁。 Social motivation comes in five flavors: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. While there are individual and cultural differences in degree and expression of each domain, everybody needs a sense of esteem within a group, confidence about their experience of life, freedom of choice, social bonds, and reciprocity. Together they form the common currency of interpersonal interaction: the rewards and threats we face when dealing with other people. 社会动机有五种：地位、确定性、自主性、关联性和公平性。虽然每个领域的程度和表达方式都有个体和文化差异，但每个人都需要在一个群体内有一种尊重感，对自己的生活经历有信心，对选择的自由、社会纽带和互惠感都有信心。它们共同构成了人际交往的共同货币：我们在与他人打交道时所面临的奖励和威胁。 When you're speaking up to someone, any one of these five buttons might be pushed, but most commonly it's status, especially when you're communicating up the chain of command. So you need to make it clear that you're not out to get anyone, nor are you necessarily attributing ill will to the person or people you might be speaking about. Show that you are providing feedback on impact, without making any assumptions about intent. For example: "You may not have meant to offend, but here is how I experienced that joke.” You can also dial up the relatedness: "I'm on your side and bringing this up because I care.” And for people who value certainty, you should make your goals abundantly clear at the start of the conversation. The better you know a person, the better you can tailor your approach. 当你对某人说话时，这五个按钮中的任何一个都可能被按下，但最常见的是状态，尤其是当你在指挥链上交流时。因此，你需要清楚地表明，你并不是为了得到任何人，也不一定把恶意归咎于你可能谈论的人或人。显示你提供的影响反馈，没有任何假设的意图。例如：“你可能无意冒犯，但以下是我是如何经历这个笑话的。”你也可以拨打联系电话：“我站在你这边，提起这件事是因为我在乎。”对于那些重视确定性的人来说，你应该在谈话一开始就把你的目标说得非常清楚。你越了解一个人，你就能更好地调整你的方法。 Third, make a plan. 第三，制定一个计划。 Uncertainty breeds inaction. When you're put on the spot, not knowing what to do is a primary reason for not acting. It's the difference between thinking "I don't know what to do” and "I'm prepared for this.” 不确定性产生了不行动。当你陷入困境时，不知道该做什么是不采取行动的主要原因。这是“我不知道该做什么”和“我准备好了”之间的区别。 Hence the need to create a plan. If-then planners are about 300% more likely than others to reach their goals. Even though you won't be able to predict the specifics of every situation, creating a plan for how to speak up can significantly increase the likelihood that you do so when the moment presents itself. 因此需要制定一个计划。如果-那么规划者比其他人更有可能达到他们的目标。尽管你无法预测每一种情况的具体情况，但是为如何说话制定一个计划可以大大增加你在这个时刻出现时这样做的可能性。 Start by identifying in advance the kinds of situations that occur in your role where you may need to speak up. For example, when you notice your manager making a decision based on incomplete information, or when you see an opportunity to improve an existing service, or when you witness a colleague interrupting more junior team members in meetings. Then decide how you will handle each: Will you have a direct conversation that challenges another person, or take another route? If you do speak up, how will you start the conversation? Together, these steps form your if-then plan. If I see this, then I'll do that. 首先，提前确定在您的角色中可能需要说出的各种情况。例如，当您注意到您的经理根据不完整的信息做出决定时，或者当您看到改进现有服务的机会时，或者当您看到一个同事在会议中打断更多初级团队成员时。然后决定你将如何处理每一个：你是有一个直接的谈话，挑战另一个人，或采取另一条路线？如果你说出来了，你将如何开始谈话？这些步骤合在一起，构成了你的“如果-然后计划”。如果我看到这个，我就这么做。 And with that plan, you can speak up with respect — and impact |
