《机器人总动员》第15章

8次大中小

All business, EVE saluted the Captain. She was fully prepared to complete her directive—the secret directive she had refused to tell WALL · E about back on Earth.

The Captain stared at her. He noticed the green light flashing on her chest. It matched the green light flashing on his console. Not knowing what any of it meant, the Captain pushed the console button, just to see what would happen. The room suddenly went dark, and a holo-graphic screen displaying the image of BnL's CEO appeared.

"Greetings and congratulations, Captain!" the CEO declared brightly. "If you're seeing this, that means your Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator, or ‘EVE' probe, has returned from Earth with a confirmed specimen of ongoing photosynthesis."

"That's right," the CEO declared. "It means it's time to go back home!"

"Home?" the Captain said blankly to Auto. "Does he mean home home?"

Auto turned slightly, hardly acknowledging the question, as the CEO told them, "Now that Earth has been restored to a life-sustaining status, by golly, we can begin Operation: Recolonize!" An ancient, dusty manual slid out of the console. The Captain took it and blew the dust from its cover as the CEO continued: "Simply follow this manual's instructions to place the plant in your ship's holo-detector, and the Axiom will immediately navigate your return to Earth. It's that easy!"

The Captain looked at the manual again. The ship's holo-detector was out on the lido deck. If he just had to activate the holo-detector and put the plant in it, why bother with the manual, especially since it didn't seem to be working? He couldn't find a button on it anywhere.

The CEO's message continued: "Now, due to the effects of microgravity, you and your passengers may have suffered some slight bone loss. But I'm sure a few laps around your ship's jogging track will get you back in shape in no time."

The overweight Captain looked confused. "We have a jogging track?" he asked Auto.

"Seriously," the CEO's recorded voice said, brimming with confidence. "If you have any further questions, just consult your operation manual." He flashed a big white BnL smile and said, "See you back home, real soon!"

The transmission ended. The stunned Captain held up the manual. He paused for a moment, not knowing what to do with it. Finally, he gave a command to it: "Operate!" Nothing happened.

Auto took the manual, opened it, and returned it to the Captain.

"Oh ... will you look at that!" the Captain said. It had been a long time since he had read more than a simple line or two on a video screen. It had been even longer since any human had picked up a book and actually read it. "Oooh, that's a lot of words!"

As the Captain and Auto tried to read the manual, WALL · E couldn't resist moving closer to EVE. He tapped her on the shoulder. "WALL · E!" she exclaimed.

He gave her a tiny wave. But EVE worried that he might interfere with her directive, so she beeped and gestured for him to hide and stay quiet.

WALL · E just stared, thinking every sound and movement she made was simply amazing. "Eee-vah!" he sighed.

Auto and the Captain turned their attention back to EVE. "Well, let's open her up," the Captain said, humming a tune from Hello, Dolly! He didn't realize that he was remembering the music he had awakened to, the music that had come from WALL · E. He liked that song.

"Do you know what that song is?" he asked Auto. "It's been running through my head all morning."

EVE stood at attention, ready to present the plant that would complete her directive and start the process of sending the Axiom back to Earth.

But when she opened her storage compartment, it was empty. The plant was gone!

The Captain looked at Auto. "Where's the ... thingie?"

"Plant," Auto replied.

"Plant. Right. Right," the Captain said. "Where is it?" He looked at the manual. "Maybe we missed a step," he said, thumbing through the pages. "Show me how you change the text again."

As Auto tried to help the Captain, EVE turned to WALL · E. "Plant! WALL · E!" she said impatiently. She thought he had taken the plant.

WALL · E looked back at her, wide-eyed.

"WALL · E!" she said sternly. She scanned his chest and found nothing. She picked him up and scanned the floor. Nothing was underneath. "Plant!" EVE demanded.

Confused and concerned, WALL · E scurried around, searching for the plant.

"Why don't you scan her, just to be sure?" the Captain said to Auto.

Auto reported a negative. "Contains no specimen," he told the Captain, and added, "Probe memory is faulty."

The Captain's excitement turned to disappointment. "So, then, we're not going to Earth?" he asked the unblinking eye.

"Negative," Auto replied.

The Captain nodded. "The probe must be defective. Send her to the repair ward."

Gopher immediately appeared from a pneumatic tube. He enveloped EVE in the energy bands used to restrain defective robots, then lifted her back into the transport.

"And have them run diagnostics. Make sure she is not malfunctioning," the Captain continued.

As EVE was carted off, the Captain finally saw WALL · E alone on the floor. The Captain stared at him for a moment. WALL · E waved innocently and shook the Captain's hand happily. "And fix that robot as well," the Captain ordered, as he wiped his hand, soiled by WALL · E's handshake. "Have it hosed down, or something. It's filthy."

伊芙向船长敬礼，一门心思想着工作。她已做好充分的准备来完成她的指令——她在地球上时拒绝告诉瓦力的秘密使命。

船长盯着她看。他注意到了她胸口闪烁的绿灯。它和他操纵台上闪烁的绿灯一模一样。船长不知道这是什么意思，他按了一下操纵台上的按钮想看看会发生什么。舰桥突然暗了下来，一块全息影像屏幕上出现了大卖场首席执行官的影像。

“您好，船长，祝贺您！”首席执行官欢快地宣布道，“如果您看到这段影像，这就意味着您的外星植物评估员，即‘伊芙’探测器，已经从地球带回了一份确定在持续进行光合作用的样本。”

“是的，”首席执行官宣布道，“这就意味着回家的时候到了！”

“回家？”船长茫然地对着傲特说道。“他说的家是‘家’的意思？”

傲特微微转了一下脑袋，勉强算是给了这个问题肯定的回应。与此同时，首席执行官告诉他们：“既然地球已经恢复到可以维持生命的状态，天哪，我们可以开始‘行动：回归移民’了！”一本满是灰尘的古老手册从操纵台里滑了出来。船长拿起它，吹去封面上的灰尘。在另一边，首席执行官仍在继续说道：“只要按照这本手册的指示将那株植物放到你的飞船的全息探测器内，‘功理’号立刻会设定航向带你们返回地球。就是那么简单！”

船长又看了看那本手册。飞船的全息探测器就在外面的泳池甲板上。如果他只需要启动全息探测器并将那株植物放进去，为什么还要费事看手册？尤其是它看上去没有在运转？他找遍手册也没有找到按钮。

首席执行官的口信仍在继续播放：“现在，由于失重，你和你的乘客们可能都稍有骨质流失。但是我确信只要你们绕着飞船的慢跑道跑上几圈，你们很快就会恢复体形。”

超重的船长看上去很困惑。“我们有慢跑道？”他问傲特。

“当然啦。”预录的首席执行官的声音洋溢着自信。“如果你还有其他问题，就查询你的操作手册。”他露出一个大大的白色大卖场式的微笑，接着说道：“回家再见，很快！”

信号传输到此终止。震惊不已的船长拿起了那本手册。他停顿了一会儿，不知道如何使用它。最后，他对着它下令：“运行！”但什么都没有发生。

傲特拿过手册，打开，然后还给了船长。

“哦……你还会看这个！”船长说道。很久以来，他都没有读过什么，最多只不过在荧幕上读过一两行浅显的文字。飞船上的人类没有捧着书仔细读书的时间甚至更长。“哦，这么多字！”

在船长和傲特试图阅读手册的时候，瓦力抑制不住地移到伊芙身旁，拍了拍她的肩膀。“瓦力！”她叫道。

他冲她微微挥了挥手。但是伊芙担心他可能会影响她执行指令，所以她发出嘟嘟声并示意他藏起来保持安静。

瓦力只是盯着她，心中想着：她发出的每个声音，做的每个动作都那么迷人。“伊——娃！”他叹息道。

傲特和船长的注意力转回到伊芙身上。“好吧，我们把她打开吧。”船长一边说一边哼着《你好，多莉！》中的一首乐曲。他没有意识到他想起了唤醒他的音乐，而那音乐来自瓦力。他喜欢那首歌。

“你知道这是什么歌吗？”他问傲特。“它一早上都在我的脑海里回响。”