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1
My name is Mary Alice Young. 2
When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article 3
about the unusual day I had last week. 4
Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, 5
but that all changed last thursday. 6
Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. 7
I made breakfast for my family. 8
I performed my chores. 9
I completed my projects. 10
I ran my errands. 11
In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day -- 12
quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection. 13
That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet 14
and retrieve a revolver that had never been used. 15
My body was discovered by my neighbor mrs. Martha Huber, 16
who had been startled by a strange popping sound. 17
Her curiosity aroused, 18
mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. 19
After some initial hesitation, 20
she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before. 21
It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. 22
There's blood everywhere. 23
Yes. You've got to send an ambulance. You've got to send one right now. 24
And for a moment, 25
mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, 26
grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy... 27
But only for a moment. 28
If there was one thing mrs. Huber was known for, 29
it was her ability to look on the bright side. 30
I was laid to rest on a monday. 31
After the funeral, all the residents of wisteria lane came to pay their respects. 32
And, as people do in these situations, they brought food. 33
Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. 34
Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. 35
Of course, she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corporate ladder. 36
She didn't have the time. 37
But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, 38
her husband Tom had an idea. 39
"Why not quit your job? 40
"Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful." 41
But this was not the case. 42
In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, 43
she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast-food restaurant. 44
Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she stopped to think about it, 45
but she couldn't. She didn't have the time. 46
- Stop it !
- But, mom! 47
No, 48
you are going to behave today. 49
I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. 50
And just so you know how serious I am...
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