孙远--GMAT作文--讲义（四）c

十三、Language Skills

1. Sentence Variety

       Example 1:

Change:  Beijing’s streets are crowded with taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. The number has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statistics show there are now 1.2 million vehicles in Beijing alone.

    To:  Taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing’s streets in rising numbers in the last few years--1.2 million vehicles at last count.

       Example 2:

          Change:  Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

    To:  Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

  Example 3:

Change:  It was quite obvious at that time that IQ equals intelligence. Since then, however, many people have seriously criticized the idea.

    To:  The idea that IQ equals intelligence seemed obvious at the time but has since come under much criticism.

Parallel Structure

Example 1:

Change:  He retired respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and his employees loved him.

    To:  He retired respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and Loved by his employees.

Example 2:

Change:  As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and following the Nationalist Party to Chongking.

    To:  As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and had followed the Nationalist Party to Chongking.

 Example 3:

Change:  This could be a problem for both the winners and for those who lose.

    To:  This could be a problem for both the winners and the losers.

Example 4:

Change:  The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but they are obscure.

    To:  The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but because they are obscure.

Example 5:

Change:  He explained that the advertising campaign had been successful, business had increased more than forty percent, and additional capital was sorely needed.

To:   He explained that the advertising campaign had been successful, that business had increased more than forty percent, and that additional capital was sorely needed.