对一篇ETS范文的思考
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The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a local newspaper. "Five years ago, we residents of Morganton voted to keep the publicly owned piece of land known as Scott Woods in a natural, undeveloped state. Our thinking was that, if no shopping centers or houses were built there, Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as natural parkland. But now that our town planning committee wants to purchase the land and build a school there, we should reconsider this issue. If the land becomes a school site, no shopping centers or houses can be built there, and substantial acreage would probably be devoted to athletic fields. There would be no better use of land in our community than this, since a large majority of our children participate in sports, and Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as natural parkland." This argument is not fully developed.开宗明义 The first statement is that the town decided to keep the piece of property undeveloped, thereby benefiting the community as public parkland.分论点1，中心词是 undeveloped 和 benefiting How is the property in its undeveloped state to be used as public parkland, which would be safe and useful to the citizens of the community? 反问+定语从句 Does public parkland not deem the property as developed, at least partially to be of any use in this capacity? 这一句不太懂，谁能指导一下? Green Glenn may continue to benefit from the lands being undeveloped if and only if 强调的好 the natural elements of the land were of an environmental benefit to the community, not by its use as a parkland.本段论证undeveloped不一定是 benefiting the community 的好方式 Another issue that needs to be discussed in the development of the land into a school site is the transfer of sale to another entity and how the community will maintain control over the land once it has been removed from public ownership into the hands of the town planning committee. 分论点2 From whence经典 will the money come for the development of the land? Is the community supported by enough growth to guarantee that the decision to develop the land would still be a positive one in the future? What, if any,插入得到位 preventative measures are being taken to ensure that the developers will not change their mind and build houses and/or shopping centers in Green Glenn? Does the town need a new school? Green Glenn would no longer be public parkland if it were used 虚拟语气 to be developed into a school after being sold into the ownership of the town planning committee. What are the current arrangements for public education and community sports and are they in need of this type of property renovation in order to sustain the community? Would the development of the property into a school be of greater benefit to the community than its use as an undeveloped plot for the environmental benefit? 权力的移交会带来以下几个问题：money, preventative measures,但后面又跑到另一个论证方面：即建school的必要性，窃以为可以另起一段 That substantial acreage is not definitely being devoted to athletic fields， should cause the people of the community concern.主语从句+ should Another issue that needs to be discussed is… From whence will… Is… What, if any, … Does…if it were…What are … and are they… Would … How many buildings will the school entail and what havoc will these buildings wreak on the environment? 用地问题 Will the negative results of improving the land be worth the cost to the community? Where do the children currently participate in sports and what is the need for new fields and arenas for the children to continue with their sports? 双反问句强有力 建运动场的必要性 What objections, if any, are being raised to the use of the land for this project and not for the partial development of the land into a park and athletic fields maintaining as much of the lands natural elements as possible? 环境问题本段围绕着建运动场的问题的3个方面论述，但缺少主题句 The argument needs to be precise about answering all these questions. 分论点 It needs to include a sketch of the plans for the property and data collated to inform of the rates of growth and the rate of usage of the development by the community over time. 计划可行性 It needs to discuss the plans specifically so that the expectations of the community are understood and outlined before the sale is made. 计划详实性 More information needs to be given about who will benefit from the changes and in what manner 代替了howthe benefits will comebenefits的问题，照应第一个分论点. Will the area maintain any of its previous natural elements? Will the buildings and structure be environmentally suited to the area and be composed of environmentally safe materials? 环境问题本段分散的对上文分析作了一个小结 The argument would be more persuasive if the entire project was conceived, and carried out by long standing member of the community. It is necessary to know from whom this proposal originates and why it comes in so few years since the property was originally deemed to be kept undeveloped. 计划可行性 Evidence of need for these changes and examples of how the needs will be met need to be specified in order for this argument to be persuasive. Mention needs to be made of reasons for this property not to be developed and then counterarguments with supporting examples need to be made as to the benefits would make their proposal much more persuasive. as to 的用法很新颖，下面还有几个例句： He was uncertain as to which road to take. There is no decision as to when the work will start. 计划必要性总结本文的精华主要在： 1。批驳的方式特殊：全片用了大量问句，气势惊人，全文一脉相承.。 全文的框架可归纳如下： This argument is not fully developed. The first statement is that…How…? Does…? Green Glenn may…if and only if… Another issue that needs to be discussed is… From whence will… Is… What, if any, … Does…if it were… What are … and are they… Would … That… should cause … concern. How many… will… and what … will…Will …Where…and what is… What objections, if any, are being raised to… The argument needs to be… It needs to include… It needs to discuss… More information needs to be given about who will… and in what manner … will… Will… Will The argument would be more persuasive if… It is necessary to know from whom… and why it comes in…Evidence of need for these changes and examples of how … will be meet need to be specified in order for this argument to be persuasive. Mention needs to be made of reasons for… and the counterarguments with supporting examples need to be made as to… |
