GRE作文入门和进阶二十六

（病历文）

In this argument， the arguer make a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims， a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. in addition， the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion， which says that sleep apnea， a condition caused by snore， can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.

The explanation of the conclusion sounds quite plausible at the first glance， but after pondering deeply upon the matter， we may find that the arguer fails to build up a causal relationship between the sentific study and the the conclusion as presented above， furthermore， this argument also suffers from critical logical confusion， How can the person who is too tired to exercise join even more aerobic activities during the day？ To reveal the flaws of the argument more clearly， let us detail the examination.

To begin with， one major assumption in short of legitimacy is the relationship claimsed between the propensity of weight-gaining among the snores and the method to handle this problem， which is simply described as “eating less”。 However， why those people who snore are more likely to gain weight still remain unknown， how can the arguer gratuitously give the recommendation that the anyone who snores should try to eat less？ there may be other ways to give the explanation of this problem， the most persuasive one is that the fat might cause by the hormone secreted by a kind of glands. When people are snoring， means， under the condition called sleep apnea， the amount of hormone being secreted may exceed or less than， the normal one， which keeps the metabolism speed of the human body. Therefore， it is reasonable to imagine that the problem would even get worse after adopting the arger's suggestion that anyone who snores should eat less than the average person.

In addition， the arguer's conclusion that more excercises should be taken by the those who snore is seriously undermined by the common sense given in the argument， which points out the sleep apnea caused by snore results in the tiredness of the snorer during the day. Can such a tired person take a lot of exercisers besides his work or study？ the answer is obviously seem. anyone who has basic logical-deducing ability would see the critical flaw in the argument.

In sum， unless the reslut of a further scientific study can demonstrate that the weight-gaining propensity among the snorers is caused by lacking of excercise and can be solved by eating less， the arguer's conclusion about this medical issue is unfounded.（463 words）

评注：开头两段作者什么都没谈，就归纳了论据结论用了一段耗去100多字，居然还不过瘾，又独劈一段就为了说明它有问题，又是几十字，加上结尾，非主体共耗去200多字，接近全文一半，这样的谋篇布局实在让人“心寒”。可见作者没有丝毫写作“结构性”的知识，完全凭借自己的“一相情愿”在“抖包袱”。而下面的范文尽管开头也作了概括，但是“点到即止”，将文章的中心全部扑在批驳论证上，并且“主次分明”，从而保证了良好的“结构协调性”，请读者品品。