聊聊邀请和拒绝的艺术

    如火的七月，我们的情绪疯狂燃烧。Do your friends sometimes invite you to dinner, a movie, or a party? 面对老外朋友的盛情，你知道怎么接受或者拒绝才算得体吗？Do you know some customs concerning invitations in English-speaking countries?

我心所向处 欣然前往之 Accept

To accept an invitation, you should thank the inviter for the invitation, and express the pleasure of being invited. 高兴赴约，嘴巴可要甜点哦。

提出邀请前需要开场白吗？

People usually do not begin a conversation with an invitation; instead, they preface(做…的开场白) an invitation in some way. 在我们的flash对话中， Latoya 先问小刘周六有没有空(Are you doing anything on Saturday night?)，然后她再说出事由 (Al's birthday party) ，并且发出邀请(I hope you can come.)。

另一种邀请的方式就是放弃开场白，直接提出邀请。It is also possible to state the occasion and then invite the listener without checking out whether the listener is free at that particular time (We're having a party at Jean's. Would you like to come? ).?In a sense the second way is better in that it states the occasion first and allows the listener to decide whether to accept the invitation or not.

所以说，是否需要开场白还是由你自己来决定。

　　用于非正式场合的表达邀请的方式：

We are having a dance on Sunday. Will you join us?

We're going to have a few friends over on Friday and we'd love you to come.

Are you free on Wednesday? Would you like to go to a concert?

We're having a meeting tomorrow. We'll be very glad if you can make it.

接受邀请看似简单，真的是这样吗？

不是就接受那么简单。First, you should thank the person for the invitation (That's very nice of you. Thank you.) and /or express pleasure at being invited (I'd love to come.) Another step is to get the detail of time and place. (Where is it by the way?)

邀请你的人告诉你不用买东西，你真的会空手去吗？

The offer to bring something to a dinner or party is considered good manners, although the host or hostess in most cases will turn it down. (e. g. "Just bring yourself.") However, bringing a small gift is always a very considerate thing to do. 礼多人不怪，小小的一点意思有助于礼尚往来。

关于要不要送礼物的问题，双方还可以这样表达：

Offering Responses

Can I bring anything? No, don't bother. We've got everything here.

Is there anything I can bring? No, just bring yourself. Thanks, anyway.

What should I bring? Well, why don't you bring salad?

Can I bring the wine? Well, thanks, if you'd like to.

        接受or拒绝　这是个问题 Decline

You may have other arrangements or simply because you don't like the inviter. In either case, you have to turn down the invitation politely. But how?

拒绝得漂亮，你做得到吗？

拒绝得漂亮分四步，你知道吗？

If an invitation must be refused, it is always wise to turn it down politely.

拒绝四步曲：

1 apology 道歉

2 reason or excuse for refusal 拒绝的原因

3 thanks for the invitation 感谢邀请

4 perhaps a second apology 再次致歉

当然啦，被拒绝的人也要be very polite in expressing disappointment and understanding，比如说What a pity. Never mind。

模棱两可的回答可以帮你“逃脱”邀请

Sometimes you can't decide whether to accept the invitation when invited, or you want to refuse the invitation after you've said you're free at the time the inviter mentioned, it is then necessary to give an indecisive response to the invitation. You can tell the inviter that you have to make sure that you're really available at that time and that you'll tell him or her later. 比如，你可以说Let me check again with Cathy. I'll call you tonight and let you know for sure, OK？

教你拒绝的话该怎么说

That's very kind. But I'm afraid I can't go because ...

I'd love to, but I can't. I must go somewhere else.

I'm sorry, but I've already arranged to go somewhere.

Oh, that's a lovely idea but I'm really sorry. I can't go. I can't really afford the time.

邀请门道多　礼节不可废 Customs

There are different types of invitations Americans extend and there is a lot of cultural information you need know about this social skill. 礼数周到，才不会出丑哦。

口头邀请还是书面邀请好呢？

Spoken invitations are fine for most occasions, but for certain special events, such as weddings, anniversaries, and baby showers, formal written invitations are traditionally sent. They should be answered in writing and returned to the RSVP address. (RSVP are the initials of a French expression that means "Will you please reply?") It is fairly common to send printed "party" invitations for large semi-formal cocktail parties. They may say "Regrets only" and give a telephone number at the bottom, which means you call only if you cannot attend.

对邀请说“不”合适吗？

In many cultures, it is rude to say directly "No, I can't come." Even if a person knows that he or she cannot accept an invitation, the response might be, "Yes, I'll come." But in America it is OK to turn down an invitation. 如果你对老美说去却不去，老美才会真的生气。 Most Americans would prefer to hear directly "No, I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it."

But if you can't accept an invitation right away, most Americans would expect you to give a reason for not being able to respond. If you don't give a reason, it can seem like you are not interested in getting together with the person who invited you. Sometimes, after you have written accepting an invitation, something else happens to prevent your going after all. In such a case, you must phone or write immediately to your hostess and explain to her in such a way that she will feel your coming is really impossible. If possible, you should give her the real reason why you cannot come. It is extremely discourteous to fail to appear when you have accepted an invitation unless an explanation is given. 如果暂时不能决定是否接受邀请，一定要诚挚地给出理由。可能的话，最好告诉对方真实的原因。

        如果受邀去外面聚会，会有什么问题吗？

In many instances it is the inviter who pays, as one would expect, but in some instances each one pays his or her own check. This is often the case with friends in informal situations, such as "Lets go get a beer" or "Want a cup of coffee?" 朋友间的邀请，一般都是邀请方结帐。

If you want to invite someone for a meal at a restaurant, be explicit: "I'd like to take you to..." Americans should be explicit also, but they often assume that you know the local customs in the matter. Ask a friend's advice if you are not sure. 如果你不太知道邀请老美吃饭的礼仪，一定要开口去问，不要不懂装懂哦。

送什么礼物呢？

In the US, there are no exact rules about gift giving, but there are some general customs. When you're invited to a meal at someone's home or to someone's birthday party, it is a good idea to bring small gifts, although not absolutely necessary. The list below includes occasions when many people give gifts and includes types of things people give. 送什么东西没有一定之规，只有一些习惯可供大家参考。

场合 礼物

a meal at someone's home a bottle of wine, flowers,candy

an overnight stay at someone's home an object from your country(for example, Chinese tea, paper-cuts, a set of bamboo chopsticks, a tape of Chinese music)

friends's birthday, particularly the "big"birthdays(21,25,30,40,50,...) books, records, clothing, decorations for the house, photo albums. (This depends on the person who is giving the gift.)

weddings item for the home such as dishes, pots, towels, blankets, photo albums

birth of a baby clothes, toys, stuffed animals, things for the baby's room