汇丰银行商务写作教程（11）

Chapter 4

Overview 

Welcome to Chapter 4.

In Chapter 3, you learned how to

l        draft a document and 

l        revise a document to make sure it is complete.

In this chapter you'll continue to learn how to revise what you write. You'll concentrate on the paragraphs of your written documents. In other words, you'll learn how to make your paragraphs cohesive.

Plan      

Organise       

Draft      

Revise      

Objectives  

By the end of this chapter, you'll be able to revise your paragraphs and make them cohesive.

Do you know what cohesive means?

Cohesive: when all the parts are related to form a whole. 

You'll make your paragraphs cohesive by learning two things:

1) define a cohesive paragraph and

2) write a cohesive paragraph using

l        a topic sentence

l        supporting sentences and

l        transitions.

Being Cohesive: What Is A Paragraph? 

Look at the following letter. In Chapter 3, you revised it to make it complete. But something is still wrong. Do you know what it is?

22 April 200X

Ms Fiona Green

100 Clearwater Bay Road

Sai Kung NT

Dear Ms Green

PPS

I refer to your recent communication, and for your information please be advised that the PPS details and application form were sent to you at an earlier date. If you complete and return the form to us, we can process your application immediately. Thank you for your kind attention.

Yours sincerely

Clever Man

Answer:

Clever Man

Manager

Smart Branch

What's wrong with this letter?

Can you see that 

 it only has one paragraph?

 the paragraph is very long?

 there are several unrelated ideas in the paragraph?

As a result, the paragraph in this letter is not cohesive.

You need to revise paragraphs like this.

To achieve this, you need to know the answer to the following question:

What is a cohesive paragraph?

Before you can write a cohesive paragraph, you need to know what a cohesive paragraph is.

Do you know what a cohesive paragraph is?

Choose the option that you think best describes a cohesive paragraph.

1. A cohesive paragraph is one long sentence containing many unrelated ideas or subjects.

2. A cohesive paragraph is a group of unrelated sentences containing many unrelated ideas or subjects.

3. A cohesive paragraph is a group of sentences related to one another by a single idea or subject. 

4. A cohesive paragraph is one long sentence containing one idea or subject.

Learning Point 1

A paragraph is a group of sentences related to one another by a single subject or idea.

All the sentences in a paragraph should be related to that one idea.

If they're related, then the paragraph will be cohesive.

Remember: one paragraph, one idea. Begin a new paragraph each time you introduce a new idea.

Now take a blank sheet of paper and try to revise the letter from Clever Man to Ms Green.

22 April 200X

Ms Fiona Green

100 Clearwater Bay Road

Sai Kung NT

Dear Ms Green

PPS

I refer to your recent communication, and for your information please be advised that the PPS details and application form were sent to you at an earlier date. If you complete and return the form to us, we can process your application immediately. Thank you for your kind attention.

Yours sincerely

Clever Man

Clever Man

Manager

Smart Branch

22 April 200X

Ms Fiona Green

100 Clearwater Bay Road

Sai Kung NT

Dear Ms Green

PPS

I refer to your recent communication.

For your information please be advised that the PPS details and application form were sent to you at an earlier date.

If you complete and return the form to us, we can process your application immediately.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Yours sincerely

Clever Man

Clever Man

Manager

Smart Branch

Now there are four paragraphs instead of one. Each of these paragraphs, though, contains just one sentence. You can have only one sentence in a paragraph. However, a paragraph usually contains more than one sentence.

The rule is: New idea, new paragraph

You can practise this rule in the following exercise.

The ten sentences below all describe a market. Look at the sentences and then answer the questions in boxes A and B.

 The building between Henessey Road and Lockhart Road is the market.

 It was built in 1875.

 The market sells fresh food, like fish.

 It also sells fruit.

 It also sells vegetables.

 It used to sell meat.

 Meat is now sold in the supermarket.

 The market is open seven days a week.

 It is open from 7 am to 1 pm and then again from 4 pm to 8 pm.

 It is closed during the New Year Holiday.

A:

If you were writing an essay on the subject of the market using these sentences, how many paragraphs do you think you would need?

1，2，3，4

B:

What would be the main ideas of each of these paragraphs? 

Henessey Road 

The building 

The food

Opening times 

The three paragraphs below contain the ten sentences from the above exercise.

1. The building The building between Henessey Road and Lockhart Road is the market. It was built in 1875.

2. The food The market sells fresh food, like fish. It also sells fruit. It also sells vegetables. It used to sell meat. Meat is now sold in the supermarket.

3. Opening times The market is open seven days a week. It is open from 7 am to 1 pm and then again from 4 pm to 8 pm. It is closed during the New Year Holiday.

Each of these paragraphs contains a group of sentences that are related to a single idea. Can you identify the idea in each paragraph?

Answers:

Paragraph 1 talks about the building: where it's located and when it was built. It doesn't talk about anything else.

Paragraph 2 talks about the different kinds of food that were sold and are sold now. It doesn't talk about anything else.

Paragraph 3 talks about the opening times. It doesn't talk about anything else. 

下一节我们将学习什么样的段落才算Cohesive Paragraph，不要错过哦！

来源：中国物流论坛